brave//5SOS

44

Emily

I couldn't be feeling any worse. My body ached, my head was pounding and even blinking took so much effort.

I fell asleep in the scan.

"Just a scratch," Michael mumbled, doing a blood test. I leant in Calum's arms, listening to his breathing. Tom sat across the room, pulling various stupid faces as me to distract me from the needle in my arm.

"My head hurts," I whispered to Calum, making him check the time.

"Can we give her a shot to relieve the pain?" he asked Michael, kissing my head when he nodded. He took out the blood test and put a small plaster on my arm, sorting out the painkillers.

Ashton came back in. He didn't look happy.

"So it's happening," I mumbled, squeezing Calum's hand as I got the shot. He just nodded and sat by Tom, pulling him into a hug. Calum did the same to me.

I didn't want to show them how upset I was.

I didn't want to leave the world, leave them... it was such a beautiful place. I'd never graduate or have my own family.

I was angry, but I didn't know who with. Suddenly, I burst out crying making Michael quickly move to me.

"Shhhh, baby. You're gonna feel so much worse,"

Calum squeezed me tightly, kissing my head multiple times.

"I don't want to die,"

They didn't know how to respond.

I mean, how would you respond to a child saying that. To anyone.

"I got to do nothing with my life. Everyone left me and I've done nothing,"

All my thoughts were spilling out and I couldn't help it. I knew it would happen, but until it's confirmed, it's different. Having a feeling that you were going to die is so much different to knowing.

"Hey, we're still going to be here. You've done so much Emily," Ashton said.

"You've brought a smile to so many people's faces. Not many people can do that," Tom said quietly, still sat down. I still cried, burying my head into Calum's chest.

"Let's go home,"

A week later

I'd been sleeping a lot . This time when I woke up, my small bag was packed by the door and Michael was in my room.

"That was a nice long nap you had," he chuckled, feeling my head and helping me sit up.

Everything ached. I felt nauseous. My head hurt.

"Where are we going?"

He bit his lip and looked round the room, as if he'd never see it like this again.

"We are going to admit you to the hospital. That way you can be in much less pain,"

I guess he wasn't seeing it this way again. Next time they came in here, I wouldn't be here.

"Hey, I was wondering when you'd wake up," Luke said, joining us in my room. I smiled, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Do we tell my brother?"

"Well, we kind of have to, but we won't let him say anything if you don't want. It's your choice who visits,"

"Thankyou,"

I walked round the house-for the last time-with their help. All the nights I'd cuddled with them in their rooms, the films we watched in the living room, the baking disasters in the kitchen.

That was the worst part.

I wouldn't remember any of this.

Ashton and Calum came downstairs, both of them giving me a long hug.

"Are you ready to go?" Ashton asked, gently wiping my tears. I nodded and gripped his hand, letting him lead me to the car. As usual, I sat in the front. As usual, the hospital smell was overwhelming. As usual, the nurse helped me change into a gown.

But nothing else was the same anymore.

They got me a permanent room and we settled in, turning the tv on and lounging around.

"Let's give you some pain relief ay?" Calum said, cleaning my hand and slipping the cannula in. Ashton went to tell my brother while Luke cuddled with me.

"Don't you have to work?"  

"I've got time off. Don't worry about me,"

"You're going go home at night though... right?"

"No, we're getting an extra bed in here. The other three have places in hospital to stay,"

"Luke,"

"Emily," he teased, making me grin. The pain meds started kicking in and I felt sleepy again, closing my eyes every so often.

"Go to sleep, we'll be here when you wake up,"

However, there was an extra person when I woke up.

Jack.

"Hey princess,"

"I'm not your princess,"

"Oh... um. How are you feeling?"

"Shit,"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry, that I'm here for you,"

"Why now?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and stood up, making me flinch.

"Why now? You've never cared before. If you think you're getting anything from me then you're wrong. Tom gets it all,"

"Really? Your best friend,"

"He's more of a brother than you ever were. Get out. It shouldn't take until death to decide you care,"

He bit his lip and nodded, leaving the room.

Everyone was looking at me and I didn't know what to say.

"He gets the money mum gave me. I never spent it but he can... on his first car or uni,"

"Emily, you don't have to,"

"It's not like I ever can,"