Forever Isn't Long Enough

Chapter 3

Chapter 3
July 2018

Lucy

I can't smile as I watch Luke play with Lola and Charlie. His smile is large as the girls' laughter fills JJ and Chance's house in Chicago but his eyes (much like my face) are void of emotion. Today is JJ's birthday and the family is gathered for it but it's a hard day for me and Luke.

This day last year I lost my baby. I wasn't me for months after this day. I lived half a life. For months. My baby died inside of me and there was nothing I could do to save him. I lost him before I could even name him. Before my stomach could even grow like this time. Before I really even knew for sure if he was a he.

I jump up from my seat. Everyone looks at me. There's sadness and pity in their eyes. "I'm sorry," I look at JJ as tears fill my eyes. "I'm sorry, JJ, but I can't. You know I love you, but I can't sit here."

RJ moves toward me. Luke stops him. I can't be touched right now. "Luce, it's o—"

"Do not tell me it's going to be okay. Please." I say as the tears finally fall down my face. My mom and dad walk over to me.

JJ gets down on her knees in front of me while Lola crawls into my lap. "I know that. Which is why I got you and Luke these."

She looks at Chance who pulls two boxes from behind his back. I take the one he hands me and open it. Inside is a locket. I open the locket to see engraved on the inside is Sometimes it is hard to see the rainbow when there have been endless days of rain. Luke got a bracelet with Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room on it.

"We know what today is for all of us— it's a day of life and death. I celebrate my life every year on this day and for you it's tainted by the death of your child, but Lucy," JJ grabs my hands as our family smiles around us. "You're never alone. Your baby is not truly gone. He's watching over you and making sure you don't repeat what happened last time. This time, we're here for you. You won't go back to that dark place ever again. Ever."

I throw my arms around my cousin and just cry. "Ma! Be happy!" Lola cries. She squeals when the baby kicks and she feels it. She looks like she wants to kick back but doesn't. "Him kick me!"

We all laugh before wiping our tears and continuing the party. We sing happy birthday to JJ who lets Charlie blow out the candles.

It wouldn't be a First Family gathering without everyone singing and trying to out do the other. RJ and Will beatbox together which causes Ben and Q to start rapping. JJ ends up jumping up to out rap them.

"Now why y'all gotta always outdo each other?" Chance's dad, Jonathan, shakes his head.

"It's what they do, Pops," Taylor, Chance's brother, smiles. "It's why Lucy is always outdoing Kim and Jackie."

I roll my eyes at Taylor who has always teased and picked at me. "When you gonna stop smoking, Tay? Your Cocoa Butter Kisses ain't keeping no girl around with that hot ass, funky ass breath."

"Ooooww!" Taylor dramatically falls out while everyone laughs. "I'll stop as soon as you learn how to keep your legs closed. How many kids you gonna pop out?"

I tap my chin as I think. "Babe, we tryna have a basketball team or a football team?"

Luke looks at me in mock-seriousness. "Football of course. With a sub. Geaux Saints."

We're all roaring with laughter until tears fall out of our eyes. "We'll one up Lucy this time," Kim smiles. She walks over to the piano that JJ and Chance have in the sitting room. She starts playing softly. "Tre, Wally, JJ, and I arranged this for you, Luce. Luke."