Saturn- Brallon

44 | d a l l o n

I can't stop thinking about the way he looked like he was dead. He was barely able to stand up. How did I not know?

He looked the worst when the paramedics showed up. He looked like he wasn't going to wake up.

His heart beats were slow when the 911 operator asked me to listen. I panicked the whole time. I'm a nurse! Checking his heartbeat should have been my first priority.

He didn't hit his head on anything. I was unable to soften the fall but I was quick to call someone, I'll give myself that.

He just looked so bad. So hurt. So lifeless.

Hayley showed up in the waiting room after Brendon's mom. Hayley looked terrified and held mine and Brendon's moms hands. I couldn't think straight. I still can't. He's still in surgery. It shouldn't even be taking this long, something is wrong. Something is going terribly wrong.

"He's gonna be okay." She tells us, leaning her head on my shoulder and sighing. She's so touchy, but I think it's helping.

Awsten walks in by himself, saying hi to Bren's mom before sitting down across from Hayley and me.

"What happened?" Awsten whispers to not disturb the silence of the waiting room. "Were you with him?"

"I think it's the pneumothorax again. I should have caught on but he wasn't coughing like he used to. He was just tired all the time."

"Could it be pneumothorax if he wasn't coughing?" His mom piped up from her corner. She's frowning.

Awsten turns to her quickly. "I think so." He says and turns back to Hayley. "I feel horrible."

"We should have noticed."

"Anyone tell Ryan?" I ask, trying to change the subject. It's too depressing.

"No, but I can." Awsten makes a sad face.

I tell him that I'll do it and Hayley untangles herself from me. She smiles at me until I leave the room.

The thing is, I wanted to tell Brendon something. I was in the best mood that I just felt like I could shout it from the rooftops. Now I feel like I could cry. I'm not entirely sure what I would do if we lose him.

My eyes sting before I even get to Ryans room. He looks so happy to see me like I hadn't spent the entire day with him. Then the happiness fades away when he reaches out his arms.

"What happened? Did Brendon break up with you? Did you get fired?" He says jokingly. But I don't answer him. I just let a couple of tears go. "Dal, what's wrong?"

I pull up a chair next to his bed while he sits up and gets comfy. He embraces himself for a full blown breakup cry, but I think what I tell him would be worse.

He has his hands folded together on his lap as he sits concerned and waiting. I don't want to tell him anymore.

Ryan listens to me sniffle a couple times before I wipe any emotion off of my face "So, uh, Brendon is in surgery." I blurt out. "I just thought I would tell you."

He's still for a moment. He's thinking about it. Pondering how his ex that he hated is now in surgery in the very hospital he was in for surgery. Tossing around the idea that he might not even survive the simple surgery. "For how long?" His voice cracks just the tiniest bit.

"Too long."

We all sit in silence in the tiny room we were cramped in earlier, Ryan's hospital room. Its now been over an hour since Brendon should have been out. Geoff is the scrub nurse for the surgery and we haven't seen him or any others once.

His mom went to get a coffee, so it's just the four of us.

I wonder if he feels lonely. If he's scared right now. If he knows what's happening. I wonder if he's trying to fight it. Is he winning? I hope he's okay. I hope with all my being that he will be okay.

"When I first saw Brendon, I knew he was something else." Ryan spits out with a small smile on his face. "He had fun facts coming out of his ears. And he was always so energetic and happy. He still is. He's also a sarcastic asshole, but I still care about him a little too much."

"I was intimidated by him." Awsten intervenes. "I was amazed by his brain and what he's capable of." He sniffles and then smiles sadly.

"He was voted most likely to work for Nasa. He missed it because he was here and nobody bothered to tell him. But I'm sure he would be happy about it." Hayley shifts around in her chair, probably thinking of something. "There were so many times I was able to be his friend." She covers her face with her arm and sighs. "Why did I wait so long?"

That part hurts the most. There were many, many times I could have walked into that coffee shop. But I wonder if things would've been the same.

-

short one oops

Is anyone feeling this anymore?

-jj