For Draco (on hold)

Madison

My alarm set me off to a rocky morning. I looked the proper definition of atrocious and I was in a foul mood. I stumbled on my way to the bathroom, tripping over discarded clothes from the night before.

“Fuck!” I spit, hands and knees landing solidly on the floor, adrenaline coursing through my blood. In that moment of utter frustration, I felt so alone. There was no one there in bed, watching me struggle.

There was no one there with a smile and a casual laugh.

There was no one to say, “Maddie baby, I told you not to take those off last night.” There was no one to throw a dirty look at, who would have winked in return.

There was no one to whom I could retort, “You ripped them off!”

Tears clouded my eyes, because there had been once, and now there was not. He was here, and now he’s gone. And I miss him so much. I stayed in that position, sobbing, until I could feel my arms giving out.

“The view from back here is rather distracting, Madison, do you mind?” My breath hitched the moment I heard him speak. I was furious to be caught in such a weak state.

“Get out.” I hissed. He laughed, until I collapsed, and screamed, “GET OUT!” I could almost feel his confusion, his hesitance. I heard the flames die from behind me and I sobbed some more.

Mr. Malfoy had the nerve to show up in my fireplace at the most inappropriate time and I was getting sick of it, very quickly. Both times he had shown up now, I’d been barely clothed. I’m his daughter’s teacher, not his lover. He has no right.

Yet I’m in no position to deny that seeing him snapped me out of my crying jag long enough to get to the shower.

The water took a minute to warm and I could feel the skin on my arms and legs prickle. I felt wrong, like I couldn’t fix myself, even though I desperately wanted to. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough to live the life I lead. It was as if everything I worked for was really just a pile of shit that I slipped into, even when it was what I thought I wanted.

I dried my hair, preformed a curling spell, and dressed myself in a skirt and blouse for the day. I slipped my feet into matching black pumps and shrugged on my robes. My bag near the door carried the very heavy fourteen inch parchments I assigned last week to my third year students.

I met the staff at the Great Hall for breakfast, only five minutes late, and tried to stow my bad attitude away so as not to upset Minerva. She had moved mountains to secure me this position, and I was in no position to betray my feelings of unworthiness today.

Leon entered the Great Hall, well ahead of the pack. Knowing that the last person I sent a letter to was my mother, I panicked. I just felt as if today was not a good day. He dropped the letter neatly in front of me and I snatched at the envelope.

My heart was racing as I scanned the first few lines of the letter. Minerva and Neville looked at me with curiosity while Madam Pomfrey clucked her tongue.

“You’re looking a bit pale, Madison, take a bite of eggs.” Poppy told me. I did as I was told automatically, without so much as a conscious thought.

“Is everything alright?” Neville asked. I shook my head, stood from the table, and rushed in the direction of my dormitory.

“I just need to check in,” I threw over my shoulder. I didn’t slow down enough to see if he nodded. As I passed by the Slytherin table Cissette asked after me. I waved half-heartedly and continued speed walking. I needed to get to the Floo.

The corridors seemed to stretch forever and the echo of my heels was quite ominous to my ears. When I turned the corner and my dormitory was in sight, I found myself running in my heels. I ran out of breath long before I said the password, but I never had had much stamina.