The Lies Of Dawn

B O N U S: M I C K' S L E T T E R

The eyes lie, chico.

Before I start this I want to say that I know you're probably very pissed at me for leaving you to face this all alone, but, let's be honest here, Ax, I didn't have a fucking choice, now, did I?

It's not like I could have stopped him. It's not like I have some power over fate that allows me to act as I please and makes me fear no consequences.

But that's okay.

I lived a good life, chico, even though it was a rather short one by first world standards. I had a family that loved me, even though I didn't deserve that love, sometimes. I had a woman that I adored and everything was incredible. Hell, I was going to be a father. Huh, me a father, fancy that. However, I couldn't keep any of these things, as you'll learn one of these days. It would be selfish of me to do so.

Having said this, I also want to say how sorry I am that you had to witness everything, even if, currently, I have no idea what that everything entails.

My thoughts are so blurry, Ax that I can't put anything in order. I kept your letter last, you know, I couldn't find the words. Though it appears, I still can't find which words to use. I don't know what to say. I want to comfort you and tell you that everything is going to be alright, that you are going to be alright but I also want to shake you awake and remind you that wars have casualties.

But I can't shake you awake, Ax, you have to do that yourself. You have to look at your ugly as fuck face in the mirror and see what you truly are.

If you don't, I'll just appear like Mufasa from Lion King, dressed in clouds and all that heavenly shit and shout how you've forgotten all about me, which, let's be honest, won't be true. Who could ever forget me?

So, if you don't want that to happen, remember who you are, Simba.

Remember that kid that defended me when I was weak, the kid that smiled, the kid that saw the belt marks on my back and asked no questions, knowing that the explanation was even more painful than the marks themselves.

Remember the kid that gave me half his lunch when the club whores were too preoccupied to make me some food or when some of the members, the ones who liked me, were out on club business. The kid that found endless excuses to take me to his home.

Don't think I didn't know you made me come to your house for dinner every single day because you knew that when Bruce returned from the club, he was almost always drunk off his ass. You knew he would beat the living shit out of me if he happened to see me.

He said I reminded him too much of my mom as if that was all the justification he needed.

He called her names, he called me names and then he took off his belt.

But you didn't know that.

Well, now you do.

Don't feel sad though, and don't even dare to fucking cry. I don't know how to act when people cry.

Let's go back to the good stuff, this is getting too depressing.

Remember how after dinner we would watch all those gangster movies Lorenzo loved and you'd scream at Eros to turn off his music because we couldn't hear the damn dialogues? As a response, he would just slam the door and turn the music up even louder and we'd laugh.