The Art of Courts and Lies (Book 1 in The Gifted Trilogy)

41- The Worst Kind of Hope

"Please, Wren. Please" he begged, his eyes darting towards the suited men that were now almost at us. I felt his body trembling and knew that if I didn't do something immediately, he would slip.

"You're right, my king!" I let out a loud gasp as I dragged him closer to the side of the room. "The city is lighting lanterns for us! Oh how beautiful! I have to get a better look!"

Practically dragging Kess, I made a path straight to the glass door that led to an empty balcony. Stepping across the threshold and into the warm summer night air, I shut the door abruptly behind us, signaling that I did not wish for anybody to join him and I outside.

By the time I turned back around, Kess was already bent over the railing, his arms holding him up as he ducked his head beneath them, short rapid breaths coming from his mouth. I stayed back for a few moments before joining him at the railing.

Minutes passed before he finally picked his head back up, his eyes flashing down to the shining city, visible from beyond the castle gates. When he managed to speak, it was a shaky "thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for that" I replied easily, my fingers absently tracing the red material of my dress. "You were falling apart. I didn't want them all to see that part of you just as much as you didn't want them to see it."

His breaths were still ragged. "I don't know what came over me. I just saw them coming and I knew where the dialogue was going to go. They'd make some crude remark about us appearing together, one of them would point out that damned mark on your neck and I'd have to act as if it belonged to me. They would call you a 'whore' all the while eyeing you with a certain lust that comes along with things they know they will never have. The thought was unbearable. Watching you smile and laugh as they insulted and degraded you to your face, that was unbearable."

I paused a moment before speaking. "Everyone has a breaking point. You shouldn't be ashamed of yours. I'm sure if I spend enough time around those pricks I'll reach mine as well."

A crooked smile broke across his face. "Then we can both go crazy together."

Out of nowhere, a burst of laughter ripped through me as my chest began to tighten. Shaking my head, I spoke through another chuckling breath. "You know, I actually think I reached my breaking point a long time ago. And I think I should've given up then."

Kess was silent at that, staring as if he could see into my every thought despite the mental shield that kept him from doing so. I was hit with another round of giggles as I ran a hand through my hair.

"If I'm being honest I would have given up a long time ago if it wasn't for you. And I hate you so much because of that."

My throat closed up the way it did when one was bound to break into pathetic sobs but hadn't yet. It made my words come out thick, but the hate in them was still audible.

"You know, you're the worst kind of monster" I started. "You're the relentless kind that refuses to stop giving me the smallest of things to believe in. The worst kind of hope, that's what you are. The kind of hope that forces me to continue feeling this pain and sorrow. The kind that refuses to allow the numbness to take over. The kind that makes sure I always feel and am aware of the worst that life has to offer me. And I hate you for that.

"I hate you for refusing to let me sink into a sea of numbness. I hate you for forcing me to remain this angry and terrified girl. You keep that last bit of humanity left in me alive and I hate you for that. I'll always hate you for that. For keeping me afloat when all I want to do, all I'm begging for you to allow me to do, is drown."

At the last of my words, I felt the final bit of energy drain from me as I dropped towards the ground. But before I could fall, Kess's hands were gripping both sides of my arms and holding me up, forcing me to look into his eyes. His jaw was clenched as his eyes searched every last part of my hateful gaze. There was fear there, and a little bit of anger too, but not an inch of regret.