Limerence

07 | r e g r e t s

"We're best friends," I say incredulously. "Best friends don't sleep together. I just broke up with Mason. Amber just broke your heart again. Clearly, we got drunk and made a bad decision because of our heartbreak." My breathing harshens and I lick my dry lips.

"Clearly," he mutters. He begins twisting locks of hair around his fingers and scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip.

This is weird.

Every muscle in my body becomes queasy with discomfort. My bones are rigid, ready to jump out of his bed and flee from this horrid mistake. "I should go." My voice cracks and I clear my throat. Showing my back to him, I wrap the sheets tightly around me.

"Yeah. Okay." His voice is gentle and, lord forbid, disappointed? Which is wrong. He shouldn't be disappointed. He should feel as terrible as I do.

"Can you look away, please?" My words shrink as if I just woke up in the bed of a complete stranger. I feel like a complete stranger in this body of mine.

"Yeah."

I glance over my shoulder to see his back facing me. Tiny clusters of freckles stretch across his skin. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I ease out of bed and snatch up my discarded clothes.

I can't believe we did this.

What was I thinking?

"Uh..." Lucas' deep voice is laced in hesitation, a sorrowful tone that claws into my heart. "Are things going to be weird between us now?"

"I-I don't know." I shove my clothes on. Blood pumps at light speed in my veins and I grow lightheaded and blind in my rush to escape. "We shouldn't have done this. We're best friends and-"

"So you didn't like it?" He turns around just as I roll my shirt down. Pain swirls within his eyes, mimicking the disappointment lathering his voice.

I fold my arms as chills nip at my skin. "I-I don't know. It was all so..." Unexpected? Reckless? Wrong? I lower my gaze and pretend to study the worn tips of my boots, reaching for anything to distract me from my naked best friend. "I shouldn't have."

"So you did?"

"I don't know. It shouldn't matter, right? It can't be like this between us. We can't ruin our friendship because we're lonely."

He nods, but something about the way he sucks in his lips and turns his head away makes me think he doesn't understand. "Okay. We can just pretend this never happened."

"That'd be for the best," I agree. "We won't be weird. We simply made a mistake and we're putting it behind us."

Lucas nods silently, still not looking at me.

I slink out the door and hesitate a step before leaving him alone. I turn back slightly and lower my voice into a tone as fragile as my heart. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that... I was so lonely and upset about Mason. I don't know why I actually thought sleeping with you would make me feel better."

Lucas doesn't respond.

Guilt sends a spear straight into my heart, ripping me so wide I could break down in tears from the agony.

What have I done? I've ruined everything.

"I'm sorry," I choke out again. "I'm a really terrible friend for this." I can't escape his room fast enough. As I rush down the hall and for the stairs, I imagine the faintest call of my name reaching after me.

✧ ✧ ✧

Walking home is torturous. Sharp gusts of air bite my skin and steal warmth from my shivering body. Even though I only live a few streets away from Lucas, it takes an eternity to reach my side of the neighborhood. I wrap Mason's jacket around me and tremble to my core.