By: BekkaChaos
Summary:
How Mickey deals with/handles Ian in a deeply depressive phase(i.e can’t/won't get out of bed even to eat or take a bath etc). He’s handled him so well, so far in this manic phase, I’m curious how he’ll handle it when Ian crashes.
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Ian's been back for a few weeks now, still working at the club which Mickey hates, but he's back, and to start with that was good enough.
The bad part was that the elation Mickey felt at having him back blinded him to what was really going on. Mickey seemed to have forgotten the state he had found Ian in at the club, the way he had passed out in the snow, completely drugged out of his mind.
It wasn't until three weeks after that night that he realised things weren't going as well as he had thought. He woke up at 11am, no singing, no screaming; what a weird day considering he was still crashing in the Gallagher's house.
Ian was still in bed, he'd been sleeping later and later every day now for the last week but he was usually up by that time, scribbling in his notebook or eating breakfast, playing with Liam - anything really, but sleeping? Mickey sat up drowsily and looked over at him, curled up on the bed and facing away from him.
"Thought you'd be up doin' shit by now." He said.
Ian didn't respond but he wasn't asleep, Mickey saw him stir a little but that was it.
"Hey," he said to which Ian shifted but said nothing. "Yo, Firecrotch I'm talking to you." Mickey shoved him in the back.
"Don't!" He heard come from behind the sheet, his strangled words muffled but clearly something wasn't right.
Mickey's brow furowed. "Ian?" He asked, getting up on his knees and trying to pull his arm down.
"No... I can't..." Ian choked on his words and sucked in an uneasy breath. "Just stop..." He whimpered.
"Christ Ian..." Mickey sighed, getting to his feet to kneel on the bed and hover over him. "Ian?"
He kept muttering to himself 'no, no' and 'I can't' and Mickey just stared down at him, afraid to touch him lest it be the wrong thing. Tears streamed down his face and got lost in the pillow underneath because he just couldn't face it, just didn't want to have to think anymore. He tried to get it out, tried to write it all down but it wasn't enough, he needed to escape himself and it just wasn't working.
"What- what's wrong? What the fuck happened?" Mickey tried again to pull him around and Ian rolled onto his back with pleading eyes.
He didn't say anything, he had nothing more that he could say. Mickey's eyes darted to the door wondering if anyone else had heard him, wondering if anyone was even there.
The only other ones home were Fiona and Liam and they were downstairs. He sighed loudly, pulling the blanket up off him and lying down beside him.
"This is how it's gonna go, I'm gonna lie here until you calm yourself down and then we're gonna get some breakfast you got it?" Mickey said, wriggling in closer to Ian.
Ian turned his body so that his face was pressed against Mickey's chest and Mickey froze, never having been in a position like this with him before. He held his hands away from him uncomfortably but after feeling a heavy shake come from the taller boy's body he let them come to rest around him.
He wasn't much for talking, so he didn’t say anything else. He just held onto Ian while his body shook and his hands gripped tightly to Mickey's shirt.
It was more than an hour later that he finally coaxed him out of bed and - reluctantly - downstairs for something to eat. Fiona gave him a questioning look as he pulled him down, holding his hand. He made very little eye-contact and only said one thing to her.
"I got this alright?" He mumbled.
She pursed her lips but recognised the signs that Ian was showing and knew not to upset the delicate balance. Instead she watched from the living room while Mickey shuffled about the kitchen making some kind of lopsided sandwich. He plopped it down in front of Ian and sat opposite him at the table.
"I ain't moving until it's gone." Mickey said, folding his arms and staring him down.
Ian looked up, his eyes almost trying to thank him without using his lips. This was the first time that Mickey had seen him start to look like the kid he knew before he enlisted, before Mickey got married and changed everything. Mickey wanted that Ian back, but not like this.
Fiona walked in with Liam on her hip and looked over the two of them at the table. "Everything okay?" She asked.
Ian smiled a little and Mickey nodded. "All good." He said, a man of few words.
She sighed again and gave Ian a look. He was a quarters way through his sandwich when he pushed it away and pushed himself up off the chair.
"Hey, what did I say before?" Mickey asked as Ian turned silently to walk away and up the stairs.
Fiona looked down at him. "All good, huh?"
Mickey shook his head and stormed off after him. "Ian? Ian!" He called as he took quick steps to catch up with him and grab him by the arm.
"Let go of me!" He cried.
"No!" He struggled with him, dragging him back towards the bathroom. "You hear me? I said no!" Mickey growled and Ian just dropped to the floor, refusing to move anymore.
"I can't Mick, I just can't." He sobbed.
"Jesus Ian? Why didn't you fuckin' say something?" Mickey said, kneeling down to lift him up. "Come on, let's go." He said, straining as he half-dragged him into the bathroom.
Ian was still sobbing and Mickey was cursing himself for not noticing it sooner, for not paying attention to the signs or seeing him spiralling downwards. He dragged Ian in and propped him up against the counter as he turned on the shower head and stared down at his carrot-topped boyfriend. He started to undress him and Ian just shook his head but Mickey was not letting him stay in this place.
"No, you pull yourself out of this shit, you hear me?" He said, lifting him to put him in the tub.
Ian's hands were pushing him away but he wouldn’t let him do that.
"I didn’t go all the way out to that fucking club to bring you back here for you to turn into a mess! No! Ian stop!" He yelled, still trying to restrain him, shoving him under the water stream. "I let you go once and I ain't about to let you fuck yourself up again!"
Ian stopped struggling against him, looking up through the water as Mickey realised what he'd let slip out of his mouth. He swallowed hard and Ian let him take care of him in silence until he was satisfied. He turned off the water and threw him a towel, distancing himself from Ian while pulling him back in at the same time.
He managed to wrap him up and get him back to bed, sitting at the end and staring down at him the same way he did the night he brought him back from the club and Ian curled back up into a ball.
Mickey had work to get to but Kev could handle it if shit went down and he didn’t really feel like leaving Ian alone when he was like this. Instead he went downstairs for a beer before heading back up to check on him.
Ian didn’t say much but there was one thing Mickey heard him whisper.
"Stay up here? Stay up here with me tonight."
Mickey didn’t say anything, he just sighed. That night he waited until Liam was down and Carl was asleep before he crawled in beside him. Ian curled into him again and Mickey wished it could have been under better circumstances and knew he probably wouldn’t get any sleep, but Ian needed this and he owed it to him to try and bring him back.
