His, Eternally [18+]

Chapter Twenty-Two: Unconventional

Indie's Point of View:

        Although Thaddeus in I had discussed my past, I still controlled my urge to ask him about his life — his family, his friends, etcetera. His hand still lay there, warmly holding my own as he occasionally traced small circles on my wrist. I didn't want him to pull away, and I didn't want what I had felt in this very moment to go away. He was wonderful, magnificent, really. I looked at him, feeling less ashamed now as I had gotten more comfortable from previously sharing my story with him. Veins ran up his arms strong forearms, especially on his large hands. His Adams-apple was prominent as he rested his eyes momentarily, relaxing into the chair that had over time gotten closer by centimeters to the side of my bed. I felt guilty, he hadn't slept because he was worrying of me. I still felt frustrated from the things I was feeling for him, however. But, at this moment, I didn't want him to leave — despite the guilt that buried my chest when I looked at the dark blue-grey circles lining his eyes.

I wanted to fall into his touch, wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close to me. I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders when I told him about me, something I thought I would never be able to share with anyone. I had never had a connection to anyone in my life — and although I craved it deeply, I had learned to accept it growing up. I was made to live in a world by myself. I sounded absolutely pitiful right now, thinking to myself. But, I quickly brushed those thoughts away. I had deserved to let myself invite the feelings I had too-often pushed away, storing in a small cellar behind my mind.

Thaddeus began to doze off, still sitting up completely in the old chair that was given to me by Janis. It saddened me to see that he had never quite rested, not around me, at least. He seemed alert, like a guard dog. He twitched slightly when he heard me sigh, his eyes popping open sleepily whilst looking at me. I pulled duvet around my shoulders, tilting my head at him. I tried to ignore the feelings of adoration that clouded my head. I needed to stay strong, I thought to myself. I had never been in a relationship, as I've mentioned previously, and the idea of loving someone certainly hadn't crossed my mind. I was vulnerable, and I felt paranoid deep down that he would take advantage of the innocence I had.

"It's getting late, you should go home and rest." I said softly, hearing the owls hoo in the blanket of trees that wrapped around my cabin. The cold wind yet again gusted through my window, making my curtains flow from the force. His face fell for a split second, before the look of disappointment quickly left his face. He nodded slightly, rubbing his hand that previously held mine over his chin. My palms instantly felt cold without his warmth radiating onto my skin. He stood up, and a part of my heart felt pain from him turning around, taking a few steps before pivoting his stance to look at me. Before I could comprehend what was happening, his hand was on my chin, looking at my lips with deep, dark eyes. My hands were awkwardly at my sides, feeling like a fish out of water as I my breath hitched in my lungs. His calloused thumb traced my jaw, his fingers resting on my neck as I felt the undeniable sparks erupt throughout my entire body. His eyes were turning black, looking down at me from his stance. He was so close to me, at the moment. I didn't know what to do — I felt so defeated, and I couldn't deny my feelings for him any longer, despite how unconventionally douche-baggy he could be. His Adams-apple moved as he sighed, clenching his jaw. He moved a stray lock of hair away from my face, our bodies only a few inches apart.

Fuck.

He looked at my lips, and I could see something flash in his eyes that made me feel so adorned. My knees bent slightly, feeling completely weak as he held my face, studying me like a predator before catching its prey. I wanted so badly to reach up to his face and stand on my very tip-toes to kiss him, but I knew I would never feel bold enough to do that. Besides, I didn't even know if I wanted to have him in my life all of the way, let alone have him be my first kiss. A piece of my heart kept trying to call out to me, to warn me due to the previous hurt he had inflicted upon me. He looked away from my face, breaking the moment we were currently intertwined in with one another, the vein running up his neck now more prominent than ever before. I felt my face fall, had I done something wrong?

I looked down at my hands, embarrassed. I should've known — nothing about having feeling for someone was a fairytale, as kiddish movies had depicted so frequently. I then felt an abrupt yet gentle kiss to my forehead, struggling to stand straight as his plush lips lingered against the area near my brow bone. His hands were now on either side of my head, the warmth coming off of him as powerful as ever. He spoke lowly, his lips murmuring whilst still pressed to my skin.

"Goodnight, Indie."