Lights Out • 1 • Formula One ✔️

Chapter 63

As expected, a safety car was deployed before I had even completed half a lap. I could hear the team feeding me information, however none of it was being processed. My heart rate picked up so that the thudding in my chest was almost as loud as the engine and my breaths were short and desperate. I knew that this was a beginning of a panic attack, an experience that I have grown accustomed to with my anxiety. My mind was not thinking straight. I subconsciously followed the car ahead around the circuit as debris was cleared, hoping that I'd be able to get myself under control before the restart.

I tried to think of what Kudzai would tell me in a situation like this. It'd probably be something stupid like 'breathe' as if I was incapable of doing so in the first place. Usually I would plug in my headphones and distract myself from whatever was panicking me with music, however this isn't possible in a race car.

The thing that got me worried was that I have basically thrown away any chance I had at remaining all season. If I would've crashed into anyone else, I doubt my reaction would be this bad. I haven't had an attack like this in my car since my F2 days (excluding my previous F1 crashes that took me out of the race). My hands couldn't hold the steering wheel as steady as usual so my car went slightly wide at some of the corners. I wanted to tap my feet to relive some of my body's ache to shake but couldn't because of the pedals.

'Drive. Drive. Drive.' I repeated over and over again in my head. I wasn't focused on how long the safety car period was going on, my only goal was to calm down enough so that I wasn't a danger to myself or others. Soon enough, the period came to an end. The dodgy positioning of the two non-finishing cars meant that the safety car was out for five laps; I hadn't even realised!

T> 'You're going to want to reply, 'A'... getting worried radio's broke.'

A> 'Yeah, yeah. All is good.'

I tried to keep my response short to avoid them hearing my shaky voice. My heart rate would probably worry them if they were looking at my stats so I don't blame them for having a hint of concern in their tone. At least I could finally focus on what the team were telling me - I must be slowly getting myself back to normal.

I just need to make it through the rest of the race without any drama which is easier said than done when you're fighting your way up through the field. My body and mind didn't feel the same after the first lap incident, I could feel my breathing was still a bit laboured. Straight off of the safety car, however, I managed to complete a double overtaking manoeuvre on two battling drivers and move myself up into thirteenth. It was a bit sloppy by my standards but I managed to do it without receiving damage or a penalty.

The next car ahead was Charles. He was on the tail of one of the Renaults (probably Sainz as he qualified after his teammate). I had overtaken Marcus right at the start on the initial launch so I knew the Sauber was definitely my Monegasque friend.

I followed the pair as the closely battled for about five laps. I tried to keep quite close to the cars just in case one of them were to make a mistake. My time came when Sainz clipped Charles's car and was forced wide. I took full advantage of both drivers running off the racing line and undercut onto the straight.

T> 'Solid job. Next up is Grosjean. Let's catch him quick.'

A> 'Gap?'

T> '3.9 seconds.'

I pressed a button on my steering wheel which basically told the team I copied their message. I also adjusted some of the engine settings as I was no longer closely following cars. My tyres still seemed to be working for grip by the time I had caught up to the Haas. Since he had started on the ultrasofts and the temperature today was rather high, I could see that his rear tyres had some blistering despite it being only lap 14. He would definitely need to pit soon as he was losing grip in the high speed corners.