Chapter forty-nine word count: 11269 words
Niall's still sleeping when I wake up. He's lying flat on his back, mouth hanging open, soft brown curls flying every which way. He looks adorable. I scan my eyes over his body when I sit up, noticing the details on his skin that I've begun to remember wholeheartedly. Every new freckle I discover, childhood scar I find, feels like a new part of forever with Niall. He's got a few hickeys along his collarbones and down his chest, but the most obvious is one resting on his right hipbone, just above his tattoo of G's tiny handprint. I smile at the intimacy of this moment, just the two of us, completely serene with nothing to do but be in each other's company.
I decide to let Niall sleep and get up alone, wanting to check on Grayson before Niall's up. We're three hours ahead of them, so I'm not really sure if Grayson has woken Maura up at seven in the morning. It's not really unusual for my kid to get up that early, but I would hate to wake anyone up just because I obnoxiously want to see how my toddler is doing.
Luckily, I've already gotten a message from Maura this morning, a photo of G in his pajamas on the recliner, drinking from a sippy cup and watching cartoons. He seems fine, of course, and I know Maura just sent that because she knows how anxious Niall and I are about both of us being so far away from Grayson simultaneously. I text her asking if his levels are alright, and she replies simply with 'Perfect.' so I decide to leave it at that. Grayson is fine. I need to let Maura handle it and enjoy my week without responsibilities.
After about a half-an-hour, I pop my head in the master to see if Niall's awake yet, but he hasn't moved a muscle since I left him, so I elect to give him a bit more time. We hardly ever get to sleep in. This is our honeymoon; Niall deserves to get as much sleep as his body needs.
I make myself a glass of water and head out to the back of the house, sitting down on one of the comfier chairs there and watching the waves roll over the sand. It's so insanely peaceful, and it makes me forget all of my problems for just a moment. It's hard to not think about the harder things, the things that keep me up at night sometimes.
It's worrying about Niall that keeps me from sleep some nights when I can't keep my eyes closed. Some days he's perfectly fine; he giggles and jokes and is nearly indecipherable from the eighteen year-old I met for the first time all those years ago. Other days, he retreats so far inside himself I worry that I might never see him again. He always comes back, though.
I don't tell Niall my fears, of course. He worries the same as I do. He worries he'll never be normal again, never be able to go a week without feeling the kind of fear and panic some people don't experience in their entire lives. So, I tell him what we both need to hear: he's going to get over this. He's going to get better. He has been getting better.
It doesn't feel real that he's really going to be by my side forever. I can't really picture it fully. Growing old together, seeing each other every day for seventy or so more years doesn't seem possible. The comfort feels so complete that I can't believe I'll have this ease for the rest of my life. I've got someone to go to when the outside world becomes too harsh. I've got a soft bed and warm arms ready to comfort me.
Thinking of our home makes me think of Grayson, too. Our little blond toddler is growing so fast, and it makes me incredibly sad even though I'm so excited to see the person he's going to become. We haven't figured out a way to tell him he's going to have a sibling; at this young, it might be hard for him to understand, especially because he's never had a sibling before.
Part of me has this slight fear that this child isn't going to look like Grayson at all. I know it's dumb and really nothing to be fearful of, but everyone has already been so skeptical of our family, and I don't want to give them another reason to question us. Chances are this child will have dark hair and eyes, opposite of Grayson. I fear he's going to question it, why he and his siblings have different hair colors, eye colors, and maybe even different skin tones. The only saving grace is that Grayson is simply a carbon copy of Niall, so as long as this baby resembles Niall more than me, I'm not really worried about the resemblance between our children.
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Without a Clue {Diall}
Fanfiction"It never leaves. It never goes away. Why won't it go away?" Niall's secretive, always has been, but no one could've ever guessed that he would hide something this big. It turns out trying to cope with your past is a lot harder when you're hiding fr...
