Without a Clue {Diall}

Chapter Fifteen: The Caring Boy

Chapter 15 word count: 4808

(trigger warnings in this chapter: mentions of blood (IN MEDICAL CONTEXT OF COURSE), just like nasty medical stuff in general, mentions of death, night terrors and panic attacks)

as always, if you need to know anything more about this chapter before reading, feel free to ask me!!! 

The light from the TV flashes across Niall's freckled cheeks, his eyes closed as the faint sound of the random cartoon playing echoes around the room. Grayson's asleep on his back in the center of the bed, his legs spread out just about as far as they can go, making him take up a substantial amount of the bed despite his small size. However, Niall's bed being a huge king size leaves plenty of room for us both on either side of Grayson.

I'm not really sure if Niall's asleep. It's been a long night for him, for all of us I guess. I never really understood why night terrors were ever distinguished from nightmares, but after seeing one, it makes sense. If it was that terrifying for me, I can't imagine what it felt like for Niall. I knew it was going to happen eventually, and I tried to prepare myself. I researched as much as I could about it, and even asked Niall about what I could do to help him. He didn't seem to know, however, so I guess I was going in blind. It's okay, though. He's okay now so I guess I did alright. Through time I suppose I'll get better at comforting him. I'll start to learn what he needs and hopefully then his night terrors won't be so terrifying.

It started out like a normal nightmare I guess. I don't think it would have even woken me up if I wasn't against Niall's chest. Me being an incredibly light sleeper, the second Niall's breath started to race I was alert, instantly glancing up at him. He seemed relatively normal apart from his chest rising and falling rapidly and the sound of him trying to draw in extreme amounts of air.

It took me a few seconds to realize he was having a bad dream, and just a few more after that to realize that it was probably something more severe. My first instinct was to wake him; it hurt to know he was upset, even if he was asleep, but then I remembered something I had read.  Waking Niall up could frighten him even more. I should let the terror pass or let it wake him up. I felt helpless to say the least.

I watched him carefully after that. He started to move slightly, turning his head side to side before rotating his body completely and rapidly. I moved away to the side of his bed, knowing not to touch him as that alone could make his situation feel insanely more real. I repeated the tips I'd learned to myself quietly as it took all the self-discipline I could muster up not to reach for Niall. Do not touch. Do not intervene. I can't stop his night terror, but I can comfort him afterwards. He told me when I asked him about it that he often wakes to a panic attack: one of vivid flashbacks that resemble his terrors almost identically. The only difference is that he would be awake and responsive. That I could help with.

I flicked on the bedside lamp on the nightstand closest to my side of the bed and waited, trying not to glance at the look of pure anguish on Niall's face as he whimpered. He had cried out a few times, every time scaring me just as much as the last. I just had to keep reminding myself: this is not as scary for me as it is for Niall. Letting him know it had scared me would only make everything worse, so I had to be okay.In that moment, I had to be okay for him.

He screamed awake then, a sound that I know I'll never forget but I wish I could. He sobbed intensely, his breath coming out in quiet, shocked intervals as I debated whether it was alright to touch him then.

He mumbled something incoherent as he instantly glanced down to his hands, facing his left palm towards him as if there was something in it. He continued to sob as he opened and closed his left hand, blinking his eyes hard and staring at it. I realized then that he must have been awake and in the middle of a flashback, obviously unaware of his real surroundings. I thought about everything Niall's told me about his panic attacks and everything I've researched and instantly tried to come up with a game plan.