a/n: part true story, part nightmare come true. yesterday was a rough day.
what to do when your abuser pulls up next to you at a stop light:
1. freak out.
2. scratch that, panic?
3. scratch that one — breathe.
4. when is the light supposed to turn green?
5. shit, they have the turn arrow before we do. of course they do. of course.
6. is he looking at me?
7. i don't even need to look over to know he is.
8. but i still do.
9. of course he's looking.
10. take another deep breath.
11. make sure doors are locked.
12. good, they are.
13. hit the lock button a few more times just to be completely sure.
14. okay, now we're good.
15. turn music up to drown him out.
16. wait — no, turn it down. i need to be able to hear something if something does happen.
17. don't look at him.
18. why is he still staring?
19. place your shaking hands on the steering wheel. the other light is turning yellow.
20. green light.
21. try to get in front of him—
22. wait, no. get behind him. don't let him follow you.
23. shit, the lane ends. now he's behind me.
24. that doesn't mean he's following me.
25. maybe he's not.
26. don't use turn signals. try to throw him off when you turn.
27. that doesn't work. he still stays behind me.
28. speed up.
29. he speeds up.
30. think about calling mom.
31. call mom.
32. tell her what's going on.
33. he's still staring directly at my car.
34. dumbass, he has to because you're in front of him.
35. but he's probably looking at my reflection in my rear view mirror.
36. try to stay on the road. vision is blurring. breathe. come on. it's fine.
37. mom calls her friend. he's a cop. he says he'll be in the driveway when i get there.
38. unless he gets a call out. but this is technically a call.
39. use your turn signal.
40. he still follows.
41. keep mom on the phone.
42. don't use turn signal, abruptly turn onto your street.
43. he still follows, nearly hitting someone in the process.
44. slow down to your driveway.
45. deep breath.
46. the police car is sitting in the driveway.
47. pull in the driveway.
48. see him debate.
49. see him pull away after landing eyes on the police officer stepping out of his patrol car.
50. sob for fifteen minutes over your steering wheel.
51. no longer feel safe in your own home.
52. no longer feel safe in your own skin.
53. no longer feel safe in your hometown.
54. no longer feel safe.
55. have a long talk about restraining orders.
56. again.
