A/N: This was almost a poem. I felt stupid even writing this, but here it is.
'Is it even possible?' I ask myself. 'To feel your heart gravitating toward someone you've never even met? Does it make any sense?'
'Does it matter?' I'm questioning my sanity. 'Why should it matter if I feel a pull toward him when I've never met him? Why does it have to make sense?'
It doesn't. Because nothing about love and attraction has ever made sense to me. My heart leans toward whoever it wants to lean toward. And my psyche suffers the most from my heart's reckless ways.
All I know is that this is not normal. It is not normal to see his picture and have my heart drop into my stomach. It is not normal to be upset over someone you have never met being in love with someone other than you. This is not something normal people do.
Then I question why I am trying so hard to be normal. Why I am comparing my actions to normality when they have never been close. When my standards on attraction and love have never been what society sees as normal. When I have never followed society's 'normal' path.
But speaking of normality in the general sense of the term: this is not normal. It is not normal to feel yourself falling for someone you've never met. It is not normal to see his picture and think about what it'd be like to know him. The thoughts I have are not normal.
Then the question of, "Why him?" comes into the conversation. And I do not have an answer. I have only been aware of him for a month. I do not know why my heart sees him as what it needs right now.
All I know is that it pisses me off. Despite what anyone has told you, there is nothing poetic about finding someone attractive. Especially when the attraction does nothing but piss you off. This is not poetic.
I am waiting for the day when looking at a picture of him does not bring me a tinge if sadness. I am waiting for the day when I can see him as another actor like I see the others. I am waiting for the day when my heart is satisfied. I am waiting for the day when my heart is tired of longing for him.
I do not know when that day will come. I hope that it will come soon. Because this phantom of a heartbreak is something out of the most annoying thing on the planet. I want it to leave as soon as possible, so I can feel normal again.
—You know who you are, or actually you don't because I've never even met you. But why you?
