Should I?

rooms.

There's never a rest from the taunting.
The telling of who I am.

"You're boring."
"You're lame."
"Wow, you're so depressing."

They keep it coming and all I can do is let it continue.
I have no power. No voice.
I'm defenseless.

I just sit and force a smile and pretend to take it as nothing but as a joke.
I can't show that it affects me.
Their words repeat in my head and engrave in deep.

I'm insecure as it is.
And the more they bring to tell the more insecurities pile up on my list.

The pages of lists pile around me and soon I'll be buried in them.

I've never gotten in this deep.
I usually got up after an hour thought into what they said, but now its different.

My state of depression; its gotten so dark in that room.
My fears; that room I can't even bear to lay my eyes on.
My pain; I almost didn't survive in there.

And then there's one room.
I can't ever reach it.
The more steps I take towards the door to that room, the farther I am in reach.

My happiness; that's the room I've rarely been in.

I remember bits and pieces of that room.
It was light.
It was easy to breathe in there.
I felt free.
I felt alive.
I miss those feelings.

These days I'm in shackles attached to chains.
I'm pulled around in the rooms I know so well but long to escape.

I'm in the room depression, fears, and pain everyday.

They don't know that, the taunters.
I would be tremendously scared if they did find out (about the room).

So I put on a brave face taking on their stone of words and put on my best smile like my life depends on it.
Then I take those words and write them on papers upon papers of lists that break me in my three rooms.
Then I spend my day thinking up how I can fix myself.

I haven't found any solutions.
Is there even any?

Its been four years since I've been in the room happiness.
I long for it.
I crave for it.
I think how nice it would be to take a break from my other rooms.

I've spoken to my prison keeper, he told me it'll be long before I can get even close to that room.

So I'm in room fears now.
Writing down the fear of never being able to go into the room happiness ever again.