Should I?

that's that.

Lives around us seem to be normal.
We guess that they are, so we just go on, on our daily routines, not bothered by anything.
The usual smile is very recommended all the time and laughter has to also be a part of it, while in a group of friends or just a group of people.

While laughter fills the air and the mood is set to have a good time, I am forced to step back.

My heart starts to beat faster than the usual pace and my breath is short.
Millions of thoughts run through my head
And panic takes over.

I lost control.

I have to be alone and so I am.
No one notices.
Maybe I would feel better if someone was here.
It would show that someone was concerned about me.

I take a moment to calm down trying to breathe in and out to get my heart at a normal speed.
Then I come back as if nothing happened.

No questions asked and no checking up on me.
Nothing.
I thought you care but you don't.
That hurts but it doesn't matter.
Because you couldn't be less bothered by it than about anything else other than having a good time.

So I guess that's that.