1.)
Brains work at 400 billion bits per second
Washed in signals running faster than sound
Arbiters to the grey forms speeding past dendritic galaxies
Observers to the beautiful unknown
Relief is the smell of the air after a thunderstorm
The brief forms of billowing shapeshifter clouds
Tensed strings resonating last notes of a Chopin ballade
His heartbeat and warmth as I fall asleep on his chest
Anxiety is the dark edges of an approaching forest,
The eyes crawling over me as I hold his hand
The to-do lists, the list of things I will never accomplish... the lists
The simplification of the incomprehensible into ink and paper
2.)
The words "Ich bin der welt abhanden gekommen"
Bring tears to my eyes that I must hold back,
The horse pulled strident by unsure reins
I dull sharp knives against the counters late at night,
Try to forget that headlights of trains are too dangerous,
People handing me colored pills and phrases worn cliché
Because I cannot stop to remember that
Cognition and reason are calyces, a protection
Petals pretending to be other than prismatic prison
You don't have to pull hard,
The roots are shallower than you think
3.)
I can't forget the hot breath of "faggot" on my face
The chandelier clink silence of ambivalent strangers
Rushed footsteps of people leaving my life
Losing my brother because I found my voice
I am sorry I said "I like you" and not "I love you"
Sorry I lied because I knew it would be easier
Sorry that "I love you" wasn't heroic
Sorry that it wasn't enough
I have too many scars from fixing the mirror
Stretch marks because my skin won't grow
But for now, I can pretend to be beautiful
