365 Days- Book I

126. Alone

November 3, 2018

"Do you like to be alone or do you like having company?"

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Most of the time, I prefer to be alone, with my thoughts or my books for company, I am quite comfortable in solitude, for what better companions would I need other than books or my thoughts (though these are dangerous companions, they can drag you into the pits of self-pity and depression in the blink of an eye). However I would not might some music and a cup or two of coffee.

This does suit who I am, an introvert so it is natural that I am not quite comfortable in company or rather not always. I do enjoy company but it is of a very select group of people, I do not like crowds and loud occasions where there are so many people that after some time it hurts to smile. In fact parties, though I do not mind getting dressed up tire me out. The constant need to smile, the pressure to make small talk, the hypocritical oohs and aahs to the face only to have the gossip pick up... it gets on my nerves.

I do love my friends and family, it has to do with the fact that they are comfortable with my silences and enjoy my conversations. Then again, being alone can get boring too, how long do I read (okay, that is a dumb question) or talk to myself? Though with the story ideas tumbling through my head, at times, I manage to write chunks of scenes which unfortunately abhor the light of my laptop and simply refuse to be written.

Then there are times when the solitude gets heavy and unbearable, when alone turns to loneliness and a certain fear takes root in your heart, in does not matter whether you are in company or alone, it is a state of mind, when you realise that you have no connect with anyone around you. That is frightening. It reminds me of quote by Orson Welles, "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."

Then I shake myself out of that gloom and despair and remind myself of another quote, "To be alone is to be different and to be different is to be alone."

In the end as another quote goes, "There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall."

All said and done, I would prefer solitude to company, most of the days, most of the time.

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Word count - 438