"WEAK" mate

Chapter #8

Ellie's POV

Hope is for suckers. Hope is just a word that you know you've hit rock bottom and everything you once believed in fails you. Hope is for the people who have nothing else to believe in anymore and can't trust anyone. That's my definition of hope and I don't know if you noticed but I hate it. Seems like a work only to describe just how weak you are that you would believe on something that is nonexistent and is most likely not going to happen. I had hope. I guess I used to one of those people who believe in anything and everything. Well now i see that it is just immature of me to have ever thought of that. I had hope that my mate would find me, cuddle with me when the nights were cold, wake up with me in the morning and telling me I was beautiful, tell me soothing words when I had to deal with work or problems, and just be with me physically and love me for who I am. But as I said hope is for suckers. I remember when I was little and was invited to talk with the grown-up assassins who taught me what I know today. I remember how one day I asked 'what are mates?'. God I was so stupid, if only I never asked that question than I wouldn't feel all this pain. I remember Charles telling me with love and adoration in his eyes that "Well mates are your other half that you can't live without. They would go through hell and back just to be with each other and they are super over protective of each other. Mates are the people who you can't live without and all you do is want to be next to them and take care of them. Mates are the people who will love you for who you are and help you through your problems. They can calm you down when no one else can. Mates are a wonderful thing. When you have met your mate all you want to do is just be close with them and listen to everything they have to say. A mate is the person you are destined to be with and was chosen by the Moon Goddess herself. Mates are pretty much the person you would die for and love forever they have done". That was what he told me. I knew he was right since he had his mate and everything and they already had pups. After that talk all I did that day and after was think about my mate and how I will love him forever.

I can't believe I was so stupid. Of course someone like me can't have a mate. I am of course the ruthless almighty DEVIL!!

Some nights I cry myself to sleep feeling all the pain knowing my mate is f*ck*ng more girls. I wonder if I deserve this. Is this my punishment for everything I've done. I HATE HIM!!! He ruined the whole concept and my dreams of ever finding my mate and now look at what I am. Ellie f*ck*ng Gilbert who can't be loved by anyone not even her own mate. I smile down with tears streaming down my eyes as I see myself in the full length mirror. What I see is a broken girl that puts on a facade everyday just to know how it feels to be normal but that all disappears when she is alone. The girl in the mirror is fragile a-and useless. That word struck a chord in me as I remember my so-called-mate say that the first day he met me. That memory is burned into my brain and replayed every time it gets a chance. Him calling me useless was the last straw and it may have hurt me but it did have a good impact on my pack now. I have gotten new people joining my pack everyday and like I promised I took everything away from my man-who*e of a mate. I even took his wolf with me. Well sort of. Since my wolf Alexa is a black rare wolf plus the added bonus of my angel wings helps us have powers sort to speak. One of my powers is that I can listen in and create a mind-link with anyone I want and I don't even have to be in there pack. Since I had this power my wolf Alex had been in contact will Stephan's wolf Lucious and may I add that Lucious is just the sweetest thing to bad his human is an *sswh*le. The day after Stephan rejected me Alex couldn't handle it so I let her make a mind-link with his wolf. It turns out that his wolf is angry and disappointed at his human and that he just wants to spend some time with me and Alex. As I said why can't Stephan be that nice. Lucious even said sorry to me when he felt me suffering from one of the night's Stephen was f*ck*ng another girl. I LOVE Lucius though it took time for me to fully trust him he still stuck around and gained my trust and my wolf Alex. Alex was so happy that her mate Lucious treated her well though at times I know she feels sorry for me since I am the one feeling the pain. I've gotten over it (total lie) and I tell her every time I get that it isn't her fault. Lucius keeps me informed of all the times Stephan tries to attack my pack though I always beat him and end up having more pack members at the end of the day. In return I let Alexa have time with Lucious since Lucious hasn't been out in 2 ½ years just because he hates his human and won't talk to him. I know right why can't Lucius be human so he can be my mate but i'm actually happy that he takes care of Alexa and makes her happy. Her happiness is everything to me. I look back at the fragile girl with dead emotionless eyes staring back at me. I wipe the rest of my tears and put on my emotionless mask. The usual if you must ask. Sadly this is a daily routine.