start again | steve harrington

01 | we're over

Silver did not particularly enjoy Halloween anymore.

She did when she was a kid. Her and Jonathan would dress up as Star Wars characters and go trick or treating. Back home at 9 o'clock on the dot, they proceeded to watch Jaws while stuffing their mouths with all the candy they had collected that same night. Now, as Halloween was nearly here, Silver had no clue of how she was going to spend her night on the 31st of October.

She assumed she'd stay at home, as she had no intention of actually going to Tracy's party; drunk teenage boys and girls with skimpy outfits were not her ideal night. And of course, third wheeling with her boyfriend and Nancy just made the whole thing even worse. She even prefered to be stuck home with her cat-adoring-mother.

A knock on the door startled her, who, once again, looked up from her camera with curiosity. Will, Jonathan's brother, stopped drawing to see Jonathan enter his bedroom with what appeared to be a couple of films in his hand. "Hey bud, I didn't know what you'd like, so I got a variety." The Byers usually had a film night, to which Silver tagged along because she was dating Jonathan. This time, it had been Will who had asked for her presence, which made Silver glad. "Take your pick."

"Whatever you want." Silver frowned, noticing Will's tired mood as he continued drawing. Jonathan sighed and sat in between Silver and Will. "What are you working on?" Will ignored him and continued drawing. Silver looked over and saw a drawing of a zombie.

Silver always loved Will. He was like another brother for her, just like Mike and Lucas. She felt responsible for the four boys, and felt like she had to protect them from any pain. They were so young, and had already endured so much, they shouldn't go through any more. "Zombie boy? Who's zombie boy?" Asked Jonathan.When Will didn't answer, she knew that someone had called him like that at school. "It's you, isn't it?" Will nodded slowly and Jonathan looked at Silver swiftly, before looking away.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" When Will didn't answer, Silver thought that it wasn't her place. "I'll leave you two to it." Jonathan looked at her and nodded, before looking back at Will. Her heart fluttered, but not the good kind. She felt the pain at the back of her mind, as Jonathan didn't object her leaving the room. It's as if he no longer felt comfortable around her. That hurt Silver, as she used to put her whole trust in him, and he no longer felt the same way.

Did she love Jonathan? Of course she did, she knew him her whole life, like a brother of some sorts.

But...did she love him in a non platonic way? She didn't know. She had never really experienced a first love, as her first and only friend had been Jonathan for many years, ever since she moved to Hawkins.

She left the room, and awkwardly sat on the sofa in the living room, trying to keep out negative thoughts out of her mind. She heard Joyce laughing in the kitchen, no doubt trying to make some snacks to watch the movie as Bob, Joyce's new boyfriend, filmed her. She liked Bob, just didn't think it would have been Joyce's choice for a boyfriend. She had seen her with Hopper, the chief police, and always thought they'd end up together. Not that it was any of her business. After all, it's not like her relationship was to be crowned best one in Hawkins.

Silver nearly jumped out of her skin when Will sat down next to her, a small grin on his face as he hugged her sideways. She felt offended that it hadn't been Jonathan, as he sat on the other armchair, without giving her a second glance. She shrugged it off, but Will who had realised, squeezed her hand, which made her feel a tinsy bit better. Bob hit the button on the TV, and Mr. Mom's opening credits rolled in.

The night went on, and Silver found it harder to laugh at the jokes in the film. It was as if a small little voice at the back of her head reminded her of the the trouble she displayed now, and in the past. Jonathan's coldness. Loneliness. Danger. The demogorgon. Eleven's disappearance. As the film ended, Joyce turned the lights on and Bob helped her clean the plates up, Silver decided she should talk to Jonathan. If she didn't do it now, she'd never. "Jonathan, can I speak to you outside?" She noticed how the voices in the kitchen subsides, as they listened in. Jonathan looked at her, and she could see the doubt in his eyes, but he finally nodded.

Silver let out a small breath as she stepped outside, the cold air chilling her bones, as she wrapped her arms around herself, goose bumps covering her skin. She graced herself for what was to come; it was going to either going to end in an argument or peacefully. She hoped for the latter, but knew that it would probably be the first. Jonathan followed her outside, his hands in his pockets as he refused to meet her eyes.

"What have we become?" Whispered Silver, looking at him with her big brown doe eyes, widened in surprise and fear, as she tried to keep her calm. She was known for being stubborn, not really liking confrontation but if she were to be angered, she'd attack with her words, never fist to fist. Not that she had ever punched anyone, as a matter of fact. Jonathan clenched his jaw, not coming near her, as he stood a few feet apart. "I don't know what you're talking about."

A spark of rage ignited in Silver's eyes, and she took a step back. She knew that he already knew what she was talking about; he was trying to stall. To hide behind lies and false words to lessen the blow, to bring up some courage to hide behind. "You know exactly what I'm talking about, you coward." Silver and Jonathan stood surprised, neither of them expecting Silver to say something like that.

"Silver, I loved you. How can you be so cold?" Jonathan kept his eyes steady, resting on her face like they were home, but just briefly, the sorrow already building.

Silver stayed rooted to the spot, the breeze moving her hair softly away from the cheekbones that had become so much more prominent over the previous weeks. Her features buckled just slightly before she spoke, the only betrayal of her grief. "You say that like it means anything. What is love to you? There was a time I gladly risked my life for you, to protect you, remember? Yet you gave me up as soon as a prettier girl showed interest. That isn't love, or at least not a version of it I can respect."

Jonathan gaped at her, speechless, knowing that, in fact, that was the pure truth. He had shoved her to a side as soon as Nancy had showed interest in him, besides having a boyfriend herself. Silver only imagined how Steve must have felt, and she felt some guilt for the popular boy. Silver never argued with her fists but her words packed a powerful punch. Carefully spoken, without drama, her words had an air of finality to them and no matter how hard Jonathan railed against them, nothing would change her mind.

"I invented every excuse for staying. I must admit, and I think you'd agree with me, I got pretty creative over the time. But you kept giving me every reason to leave. And I still tried to ignore them, like a lovesick fool; like a drug addict dying from an overdose. It seemed like it those days. Even if I died, if I let you kill me, I would still make an apology for you to use. You should've given me something to hold on, like a fake hope, or a beautiful lie; maybe then things would've gone differently. Maybe you'd have changed and let us grow healthy into something beautiful. Or maybe I'd have finally let you crush me into a million pieces. Maybe I would've been the broken photograph taken from an obituary. But for once, you'd say just for once, I listened to you. Not to your lying eyes or your false words. For once I got further and listened to the things that cannot be faked. You told me with your ways that I should leave you, go far away and never go back. So I'm giving up on a person for the first time in my life." Silver quickly spat, and Jonathan flinched at her words, carefully taking them all in. Before he could actually make out a response, she had turned around and disappeared.

He stood there, without heading inside, watching her figure become smaller in the distance. He didn't know if he should leave her be or follow her. She had made it pretty clear she didn't want to speak at him any time soon, but he felt he should make sure she got home safely; at least, that's what he owed her. But before he could go after her, she had finally gone, to be nowhere in sight.