Remedy For Guilt

Chapter Twenty Nine - Conversations

"I'm pregnant."

Lyra sat on the edge of a bed in the hospital wing, her eyes focused on the ground. She couldn't bare to look at Poppy, knowing her eyes would be full of judgement or pity. She didn't want either. Her head was already swirling with images of her uncle and Severus, their looks of disappointment and disbelief over the situation. She could already imagine what they would say and her head began to spin. Trains of thought would roll by but she couldn't climb onboard, another would pass and she was just standing there, watching them all drive by.

"I'm surprised you didn't pick up on it sooner, being a healer and all," Poppy said, "I had a feeling when you were falling asleep during dinner."

Poppy felt sympathy for the girl. She had seen several students enter the hospital wing in similar situations but this was different. She knew Lyra. She had spent an enormous amount of time with her. She had trained her and seen her grow. She knew all about her family and the pressures she had.

Lyra was a talented witch, there was no doubt about it and in Poppy's mind adding a child to her life would no doubt hinder her potential. There was also the very likely possibility it was Severus'. She wondered how he would feel and whether he would step up to the plate. He didn't seem to be one who wanted a child but Lyra had changed him. She had shone this enormous light on his life and you could just tell that things were better by the way he carried himself day to day.

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

Lyra didn't know how to answer she just sat there blankly, feeling completely detached from everything that was occuring. It was almost as though she had separated from her body and was watching the scene unfold from nearby.

"We can take care of it if you want."

Lyra understood the implication under those words.

God.

She was going to be sick again.

Whether it was stimulated from the pregnancy or her mind's aversion to the prospect of ending her pregnancy, she tilted her head down and threw up. Poppy was already prepared, quickly summoning a bucket and shoving it into her lap.

God.

It felt so disgusting.

"We can talk about it," Poppy offered, "How do you feel?"

Lyra still avoided eye contact. Her shoulders moved up as if to shrug but instead a staggered breath came out of her. She felt as though she needed to cry. She just wanted to lie in bed and cry but she knew she couldn't do that.

"You're overwhelmed," the Matron said, rubbing her back. "It's ok, everything's going to be ok."

But it wasn't.

Lyra knew it wasn't. There were so many variables. So many things to address. So many things that could and would go wrong.

"Is there anyone you could talk to?"

No. She didn't feel as though she could talk to anyone. No one would understand the gravity of her situation.

"Your family?"

Laughable. God, imagine Lucius and Narcissa. Their disappointment. The shame. If they found out. If they knew. She'd have no choice in the matter. The child would be ripped from her womb in a matter of seconds, be it from a potion snuck into a drink or with a knife.

"The father?"

She swallowed hard at that suggestion.

Severus.

Precious Severus.

Her love. Her light.

The man whom she loved with all of her heart.