Dying to Live

Chapter 26

It was the cancer. It was winning.

My clock was ticking faster and faster, I could feel it.

I got dressed again in fresh clothes and put my old sweatpants in the laundry hamper. I noticed for the first time that Zoe must've cleaned up the room while I was asleep just a few feet away. I must've been really out of it if I didn't hear her at all. Her wedding dress was hung up in the closet and my suit was back in its plastic bag and hanging behind the door. I stepped on a few wilted petals on my way out the door.

The hardwood floor was cold underneath my feet when I came downstairs. Zoe was listening to music, lost in her own little world as she did the night's dishes. Somebody must've been over to eat with her because there were multiple plates, glasses and cutlery waiting to be dried.

She didn't hear me come into the kitchen so I walked right up to her and promptly grabbed her ass with both hands, squeezing. She let out a loud squeak, turned to face me with a raised spoon as her weapon, and with her other hand she completely drenched me with soapy dishwater.

"Shit, I'm so sorry! Oh my God, I didn't think—" she trailed off, looking me up and down before bursting into a fit of giggles. "What the hell, Adam? I could've been washing a fucking knife!" she gasped and swatted me on the chest with the wet dishcloth.

"If I knew you were gonna do that I wouldn't have showered first," I said and smiled weakly. She swatted me again, but the surprise was gone from her face. She looped her arms around my waist and pressed her face into my chest. In a split second, she melted into my arms.

"I missed you," she whispered.    

"I know. I'm sorry I've been a shitty husband so far... I didn't mean to just leave you all alone all day," I replied.

"It's OK," she said, the words muffled against my skin. She tilted her chin up and stared into my face. I brushed some stray hairs away from hers and kissed her. "You're not a shitty husband. You remembered to brush your teeth before kissing your wife, that's like, ten points right there," she sighed and kissed me again, a brief little peck on the lips before she turned her attention back to washing plates.

I grabbed a towel and helped her out, it was the least I could do.

"Who came over for dinner?" I asked.

"Skye and my mom, actually," Zoe replied with an arched brow. "It's so weird. My mom's been so nice lately. She helped me make dinner and didn't criticize me once!" She let out a strange giggle, but I could tell by the expression on her face that she was happy about the new development. I knew the woman wasn't exactly the easiest person to get along with, Zoe had told me countless stories, but I also knew what it was like to constantly be searching for a parent's approval.

I wasn't exactly close to my dad. He barely even spoke to me at my own wedding, and it wasn't because we weren't on good terms or anything. He was just the strong and silent type. He didn't talk about his feelings or anybody else's.

Maybe I took after him a little.      

Zoe had work the next day and I had chemo, so most of our time was spent apart. My mom was still in town so she came with me. I got checked out from head to toe by my oncologist, I got through all of the initial paperwork and blood work that needed to get done to make sure I wasn't too sick for treatment, and while we were waiting for the chemo portion of my hospital visit, I took my mom out to get us some food.

I was still feeling very much worse for wear, and I could tell my mom was seeing it in my face and the way I moved so sluggishly. She was a bit less receptive to all of my stupid jokes and did just a bit more coddling than usual.

There were good days and bad days when it came to my mom. Sometimes she kept it together for me and pretended like nothing was wrong. Other days, I saw the woman that was struggling to come to terms with the fact that she was going to outlive her son.

Today was one of those days. She was barely hanging on.

My brother was on his lunch break and since he was doing some contract work not too far from the restaurant we'd picked out, he decided to meet us there. He was the same as always, nothing new about his behavior.

"Hey chrome dome, how's married life treating you?" he greeted me with a slap on the shoulder before slipping into my booth and nudging my arm playfully. "Hey momma, you look beautiful as always. Where's the menu at? I'm fucking starving." My brother, ladies and gentlemen, he was ever the charmer.

Between my brother and I, we were pretty good at changing the mood a little bit for the better. It was just a little bit easier to smile and joke around when he was here. It was like old times.

And then it was time to head back to the hospital again. I hugged my brother and he held on a little bit longer than usual. Maybe he was a little different after all. Maybe he did notice things.

When I walked into the familiar room up in oncology and didn't see Parker sitting there waiting for me, I wasn't surprised. I knew now that she was in remission. She was at home. Her hair was probably already starting to grow back. She'd get to go back to school and be with her friends. Soon enough, maybe in a couple more months, she'd get the test results she'd been waiting for; the ones that'd tell her she was finally cancer-free after so many years of pain and heartache. She was waiting for news I was never going to get and that was OK.

I was so happy for her and her family.

I got to meet her mom a few weeks ago and sat down to have lunch with her during one of my hospital visits. She couldn't stay long. She had a meeting with Finances downstairs. She told me her daughter kept talking about me all the time. She had my drawing on her bedroom wall, right above her bed. There were tears in her eyes when I told her about my own diagnosis. She said she'd be praying for me. People said that to me a lot these days, but that time around my smile was genuine when I thanked her.

Yeah, I was really happy for them. She was a cute kid and she deserved to live a long and happy life. One of us had to.

It was the same nurse that administered my anti-sickness drugs and put an IV in my veins. She saw the ring on my finger that wasn't there last week and pointed it out to me, as if it was supposed to be a surprise to me too.

"I got married this week," I grinned proudly.

"Oh that's awesome, congratulations," she smiled.

"Yeah, I'm a pretty lucky guy," I told her, which was probably a little bit ironic, coming from the guy with terminal cancer getting systematically poisoned to about an inch away from death. But I mean, come on, have you seen my wife?

God I was so lame.

I smiled to myself as the nurse called me 'good to go' and walked away to tend to another patient across the room. I got my ear-buds out and untangled them before looking through my Audible playlist for the book I started almost two weeks ago: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Parker would probably laugh in my face if she knew I was still only on the fourth chapter. Harry had just met Hagrid for the first time.

Ah well, what can you do? I preferred TV and movies.