Dying to Live

Chapter 13

⏳ ADAM, April

I took Zoe's hand in mine and led her upstairs. She never once took her eyes off me and I wondered how the hell I could've held back for so long. There were so many unspoken words passed between us during the short amount of time it took to reach my bedroom and they all led to the same conclusion. I needed her.

The video game I was playing just a few minutes ago was still displayed on my TV and my controller lay discarded on my bed. I dropped Zoe's hand just long enough to shut everything down, but even just a single second seemed like too long when I was so quickly running out of time. I turned back around to face her and she smiled up at me, her full lips slightly swollen by my greedy mouth. She was sitting on my California king, taking the clips out of her hair. I watched with baited breath as she shook it all loose.

I could tell the storm was over. She no longer had that look in her eyes like she wanted to bite my head off for being a total idiot. Instead she looked almost shy, biting down on her bottom lip the way she so often did whenever she was nervous. I sat down next to her and ran my fingers freely through the thick, flaming red curls. I loved her hair.

"Hi," she murmured and flattened her hand on top of mine.

"Hi," I replied and grinned broadly at her.

Without any warning, Zoe stood up again and started padding around my bedroom in her bare feet. Her finger ran along the top of my dresser as she admired the black and white artwork on my walls. Finally, she tilted her head in my direction and licked her lips. Color flooded her cheeks when our eyes locked and I wondered if I'd ever get tired of that.

"Did he at least tell you how beautiful you looked tonight?" I asked. She ducked her head and her hair got in the way, but I didn't miss the way her cheeks burnt even brighter. Maybe it was a little uncalled for, bringing up the guy she'd been with, but I couldn't help it. Did I feel guilty? Sure. Was I jealous? Of course I fucking was! Some other guy got to go out with her tonight because I had my head stuck too far up my own ass to realize what the hell was going on.

I knew now. 

"Not in those exact words," she said after the longest time. She walked back toward me and only stopped when the front of her legs were pressed up against the side of the bed. She put her hands on my thighs and a cute little smirk slowly marked her features.

My hands traveled up her sides and around to the middle of her back. I found the zipper of her dress and pulled it all the way down, my fingers tickling her skin. To be quite frank, I liked the dress a lot better in a heap on my floor.

Her skin was soft and pale against the dark, lacy bra she had on. I brushed my thumb across the swell of her left breast and then cupped it in my hand. My thumb edged underneath the fabric and ran across her nipple. It perked up underneath the circles I made. I could also feel her chest rising and falling in what could either be nerves or anticipation, or perhaps even a little of both.

I was surprised by just how quickly she was on top of me, her legs straddling my thighs and her hands burying themselves in my hair. She kissed me, her mouth soft and warm against mine. Her hands continued to touch me, exploring the muscles of my shoulders and the groove of my back. A rumbling sound that was close to a growl came from deep within my chest as she awoke feelings within me that I was certain I would never be able to feel again.

When I realized what was happening to me, I was a lot more relieved than I thought I'd be. There was a lot going on inside of my body lately and none of it was too fantastic. I couldn't feel most of my right side anymore because the surgery had damaged some of my nerves. For all I knew, the high amount of pain medication that I was on could've been working against me too.

But apparently I still had a bit more left in me.

I could still get it up. Score.

"Zoe," I said as she started kissing my neck. Her lips continued to travel down my collar bone while her hands inched lower toward my hips. She was so gentle, I wondered if she was consciously trying not to hurt me. I could hardly feel the pain in that moment anyway.

I had no doubt she could feel what was happening between my legs just as well as I could. There was no doubt that I wanted her, and my desperation was pressed up against her belly. She leaned back a little with that impish smile of hers, giving me a perfect view of her as she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra.

It was my turn to take control. I pushed her down onto the bed and she arched her hips toward me as I slid her panties off her. Slowly my fingers drifted down her thighs and legs, until finally she lay completely naked on top of the sheets, her hair splayed out in a familiar way onto the pillows. I remembered the last time I saw her in this position. It was like a photograph ingrained in my head.

This was so much better.

"Take off your pants," she commanded and I did exactly as she said.

We fell into bed together and her lips parted for me again. My tongue slipped inside and I moved my hips against hers, letting her feel every inch of me against her wet hot skin.

She ran her hands over my tattoos and I licked the salt off her skin, making my way down between the dip of her breasts, all the way to her navel. I could feel the goosebumps on her arms and as her legs locked around my waist, I could feel her own desire slick against me. I could hear her unsteady breathing, and the slight moan that escaped her lips when my fingers found that spot she liked. I held her a little bit tighter and relished in the knowledge that I could make her feel like that.

"Adam..." she moaned as I slipped a few fingers inside of her and rubbed methodically. "Adam, please," she repeated urgently. I knew what she wanted, but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction just yet – even if it was killing me not to.

Well, in a manner of speaking anyway. I certainly wasn't dead yet.

My grip on her hips tightened as I buried my face between her legs. She let out a slight sound of surprise, as if she hadn't been expecting it. Her hands gripped my hair tightly, like she was holding on for dear life. Her legs straddled me like I was a bucking stallion and she was a few seconds away from completely losing control.

"Oh God..." she whispered, circling her hips as my tongue moved against her. She shuddered. She was right there on the edge. I could feel it.

I loved the feeling of going down on a woman. I loved the thrill of excitement that ran through me, shaking me to my core as she came undone around me. I loved the raw power, the satisfaction in thinking that I was the one that could do that to her with just my mouth.

She was pulling at my hair and running her hands down my back, her nails digging into my skin. She was absolutely quivering with delight. I took my time, teasing her, bringing her almost to the edge. Then, finally, when she absolutely couldn't take it anymore, I reached for a condom in my nightstand drawer. I was inside her in the time it took to pull the rubber on.

She moaned my name when my lips found hers for one more blissful kiss.

"I love you," I told her over and over again until we were both putty in each other's arms.