Psychotic | Clalec

Chapter 14

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I was still trying to process the information I was given by Raziel. This couldn't be a lie. He was an angel and he did show me the future. Alec was going to become Azazel's black parabatai.

I was waiting for Isabelle to get ready. We were all going out for dinner. It was a mundane thing to do but Alec insisted to do it as there was so much going on. This would hopefully take of my mind.

How was I ever going to be happy? I could never be happy without him. I would die.

"Ready?" Isabelle asked and I snapped out of my thoughts. I quickly smiled and nodded. Isabelle looked at me with worry on her face.

"Clary, are you okay? You seem a bit of after you helped Raziel." Isabelle said. I cursed Isabelle for mentioning it again. I was already trying to forget what Raziel showed me but it was harder if she or someone else kept reminding me of it.

"Yes, I think I am just still kind of shocked." I lied and Isabelle nodded. She took my arm and pulled me together with her out of the room.

I shouldn't worry like this. I was not good for our baby. My heart dropped when I realized that my dreams were getting shattered. What would become of me and my child if Alec becomes Azazel's dark parabatai? Would my child never know their father?

I felt like crying and screaming but I couldn't do it. Everyone would question me and I did not want to lie. You already lied to Isabelle reminded my subconscious me. I looked down as Isabelle and I were waiting outside the Institute for Alec, Jace and Simon.

You would say that girls took the most time and we certainly did but this time it were the boys. By my surprise, I saw Alec in a suit walking down the stairs. I let out a small and soft gasp.

He looked handsome.

He walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. Oh the angel, he was even smelling so good. Where are we going to eat? I mean, Alec never dressed up like this but then again we never really went out on mundane dates.

"You look so hot. Wait to get back home. I will tear the dress from your body." Alec whispered in my ear. I gasped and my eyes widened. Goosebumps were all over arms and Alec smiled.

Luckily no one was really paying attention at us. I was sure that my cheeks were red by now. Alec held my hand.

"How is our little one?" He asked me and I saw his eyes lighten up. I noticed that this happened the whole time when he mentioned our unborn child. I smiled.

"Our little one is fine." I said and he smiled. He kissed me and before I could kiss him back he almost fell on me. Shocked I looked at him and than quickly realised that Jace pushed him against.

"Let's go eat." Jace said while laughing. Alec rolled his eyes and we walked with the rest towards the restaurant.

It felt like I was just waiting for something bad to happen. Knowing now that Azazel will have control over Alec again made me feel anxious all the time. I needed to be more careful now as I was carrying a child with me.

When we arrived at the restaurant we sat down at a table of six. However, Jace was all alone. He did not really have someone at this moment. I looked over at Alec and gave him a small smile. Worry was all over his face and I could sense it too. I really hoped he wouldn't ask me why I seem so off because I will have to lie to him.

We ordered food and I could barely eat. I heard Alec sighing and I felt like I was ruining the whole night for him.

"What's wrong?" Alec fired at me. Everyone was now looking at us and I looked down. Shit.

"It's just. I am feeling sick because of the baby I guess." I lied and I saw Alec his eyes soften. Isabelle shot a glare at his big brother and Jace and Simon were quiet.

"I am sorry." He apologised. I nodded and stood up. I walked towards the ladies bathroom and closed the door behind me in the toilet. I started to cry. The tears were rolling down from my eyes to my cheeks. I let out a small scream.

"Fuck you, Azazel! Fuck you!" I screamed while crying. Why can't he just leave us alone? Why couldn't I be happy with him? I let out loud sobs and hid my face in my face.

"I hate this shadow hunter life." I mumbled. I think that the reality was finally kicking in. I was going to lose Alec again. My child would lose their father and I would go through that pain all over again. It finally hit me.

I wasn't ready for it. I knew I would not survive it this time and it made it harder as I was pregnant now. I was not just responsible for Alec but also for my child. I needed to make sure that my child was okay.

This stress is not good for your child reminded my subconscious me and I let out an annoyed sigh. I knew it wasn't good for the child but I couldn't help to be sad. Everyone would be if there were in my shoes.

I stood up while I was sobbing and walked towards the sink. There was a massive mirror and I saw how I had ruined my make up. I took paper and tried recovering my make up. I sighed and tried to calm myself. I looked in the mirror and made sure it didn't look like I cried.

I will need to pretend that I am happy. I had no other choice than that. I needed to enjoy every little precious time with Alec because sooner or later Azazel was going to come.

I walked out of the bathroom and saw Alec waiting outside for me. I really hoped he did not hear me crying because I don't want to tell him the truth. It would kill him. He would kill himself, in order to keep everyone safe.

Either way you will lose him.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked me. He was worried I could tell it from his face. I nodded.

"Just a bit sick. It is normal if you are pregnant." I said. He nodded but I could tell that he did not really fall for it.

"Have something to eat. We will go home after it." He said and I nodded. I walked together with Alec back to the table.

I was slowly dying inside. I was losing. I was losing myself. I don't know what to do. I would never harm Alec, no matter what.