Read A Song

Scars to Your Beautiful - Alessia Cara

Song - Scars to your beautiful
Singer - Alessia Cara

It's been twenty minutes since I've been standing in front of the mirror fitted in the changing stall. I know I should get out of here, but I can't stop staring at how awkwardly the dress fits me.

Here's the list that I've mentally come up with that led me to conclude that I'm too fat for my own good -
1) The lack of sleeves on this dress that showcase my healthy upper arms in an unflattering manner.
2) My protruding belly.
3) My thighs that resemble the width of an entire river.

Suddenly, I regret eating every fucking thing I've ever eaten.

You're fat and nothing can change that.

No, I can change that. I will.

You lack the willpower, hon.

I am strong.

Then where're the results of your so-called 'diet'? Admit it, you'll always be the ugly, fat one amongst all.

There aren't any visible results...

There you go.

I breath in a shaky breath, willing the tears pooling in my eyes to go back in.

No. This dress won't do.

No dress will ever do for you and your fat.

Well, can't deny that now, can I?

I quickly change out of them, not wanting to see the horrifying sight in the mirror for any longer, into my loose T-shirt paired with jeans. Rushing out of the changing stall, I look around for another dress for graduation party.

A sleek, black dress hanging off a hook catches my eye and holy shit, it's a beauty. My feet carry me there unconsciously and me eyes cannot look anywhere but there. It's delicate fabric with intricate designs...it's marvellous. This may actually look good even on me.

Quickly shuffling through the series of dresses hanging, I look for a suitable size.

"Oh, I don't think they have your size here," I hear a voice say, causing me to stop my search. "It'd be there, in the maternity section."

My eyes snap up to meet dark, grey ones with humour lacing them. It's one of the guys from my college along with two of his other friends standing behind him.

"I mean, surely you're pregnant, right? Or is all of it just fat?" He continued his taunt, his friends snickering behind him. "Hell, I didn't even know one could get so fucking fat."

Well, then you clearly know less.

At times like these, I wish that I was anything even remotely similar to Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect, so confident. Her attitude's all like, "Bitch, I'm fat, so what?" and I can't deny that I idolise that.

But I'm not her and perhaps never will be.

He's not wrong though, even a pregnant woman could be slimmer than you.

I feel the tears threatening to spill again as I look down shamefacedly. I hate clothes shopping.

"What, cat caught your tongue?" He asks, chuckling. "Is that cat fat as well? And-"

A tear rolls down my cheek and I'm ashamed of my weakness. Why the fuck can't I fight back? Why am I so silent?

Why am I so me?

"Excuse me, sir," a saleswoman standing behind him interrupts. "Harassing customers is prohibited."

"Babe! I've been looking for you but ran into a hippopotamus on the way, sorry for the delays," he says to her, wrapping his arms around her slender figure, ignoring her words.

But she shrugged out of them, not that he noticed.

"Come on, we've got a lot of shopping to be done. You don't mind that I bought my friends along too, do you?" He continues, oblivious to her odd behaviour. "But hey, if you want some privacy, they'll gladly leave."

Then something unexpected happened. She slapped him, a hard one at that. Its sounds resonated across the store, causing a few heads to turn towards us. I couldn't stifle the small gasp that escaped my lips.

"W-wha..?" He stuttered with his hand on his slightly bruised cheek, his friends too shocked to offer comfort.

"Enjoy your privacy with yourself," she snapped. "We're done."

"What the fuck?" He exclaimed. "How the fuck can you do that? Like, we can-"

"Oh, just shut up and get the fuck out of here," she said. "You're hereby prohibited from entering this store ever again."

"Yeah? On what ground?" One of his friends finally decided to speak up.

"Yeah, what ground?" The other one repeated, sounding smug.

By now, a couple people had gathered around to see the commotion going on, allowing me to blend in with them.

"I can't believe I'm gonna have to repeat myself for you," she muttered. "Harassing customers is prohibited."

Something then seemed to click in his mind.

"Her?" He gestures to me with both his hands, providing everyone a clear visibility of his red, hand-shaped mark on his cheek. I shrink back immediately, but with people's eyes on me, it's hard. "You're breaking up with me over her gigantic ass?"

"At least it ain't as small as your little dick, you jerk," she growled, causing his cheek to burn bright red. (The other one's already red so...yeah.) A series of 'ooh' erupted from the more immature audience, causing him to shrink back further.

"Can't deny that," one of his friends agree with the other nodding along.

"Come on," he growls, tugging at the sleeve of his friends."This place is filled with fucked up people."

With those pleasant words, he quickly leaves the store, eyes following him throughout.

"Yeah, folks, this ain't no show," she yells out. "Go, shop you all."

People then quickly disperse away, leaving me alone with her.

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I felt frozen, my mind still trying to accommodate the events that took place before my eyes.

Did she just break up with her boyfriend to defend me? And then further insult him...all for me?

"Hey," she came to me. "Sorry about my jerk of an ex-boyfriend. He can be, well, a jerk at times."

I was still too astonished to say anything. She then proceeded to notice the aisle of black dresses that I was standing against.

"You would totally rock this dress. I can see it, oh, I totally can," she says. "Just give me a second."

She quickly picks out a suitable size for me, holding it out in front of me.

"There you go," she continues, putting the dress in my hands.

"I-uh, thank you," I stutter, unsure as to how to react.

"It's our job here to provide our customers with the best experience possible," she says, flashing me a toothy grin.

I break out into a smile, feeling a sense of confidence I haven't felt for a while now. A feeling I want to get used to.