back to me ; [chanbaek]

xlv

Kinarga ko si Jesper papunta sa kotse ni Chanyeol. Hindi parin siya tumitigil kakaiyak. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sakanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sakanya... Pinagbuksan ako ni Chanyeol pintuan ng kotse niya. Umupo ako habang nakaupo si Jesper sa lap ko. I gave Chanyeol a look. At alam kong naintidihan naman niya na kailangan namin mag-usap ng anak ko. 

Chanyeol gave me a smile bago tumalikod at naglakad palayo ng kotse. 

Once he was out of earshot. I faced Jesper.  

"Baby, listen to me." he sniffed at pinunasan ang sarili niyang luha.

"Alam mo naman siguro na love ka ng eomma diba?" he nodded. "And of course, love ka din ni Appa.." I said and I glanced at Chanyeol na nakatingin pala sa amin. He gave me a small smile bago umiwas ng tingin. Binalik ko ang atensyon ko kay Jesper. 

"Why isn't he here with us?"

I sighed. Should I tell him?

"He's... He's busy honey."

"P-po?"

"Marami kasing ginagawa si Appa mo," ramdam ko na gusto ni Jesper na malaman ang lahat. But he's too young... He's too young to understand kung bakit hindi ko ipinakilala si Chanyeol sakanya... "He's working in a faraway land baby, kasi gusto ka niyang ibili ng maraming toys." I said with a smile. Dito napatingin si Jesper sakin at unti unti nang ngumingiti.

I can't tell him... Not now.. Hindi pa ako ready.. I'm sorry anak.

"Talaga po!? Kelan po siya babalik?" He asked. Excitement is written all over his face.

"Soon.. very soon anak." I said and hugged him. 

"Excited na po ako! Sana po sa birthday ko bumalik na siya! Kasama ng maraming toys!" Jesper said. And hindi ko mapigilan na maisip.

Tama ba 'tong ginagawa ko? 

I once again told a lie towards my child. I glanced at Chanyeol. He seemed to have a lot of thoughts. I lied, about him to my child. I lied to my child about him. Ayokong nakikitang nasasaktan si Jesper... I didn't know what else to tell him. 

Kahit na maraming hindi magandang nangyari between us. In the end siya pa rin ang tatay ni Jesper and I didn't want him to be on Jesper's bad side..

That's the least I can do for Chanyeol as Jesper's father.

After calming Jesper down and managed to divert his attention from the topic ay sinabihan ko siyang mag behave sa back seat. I gave him my cellphone bago ko siya iniwan sa kotse ni Chanyeol. I sighed, bago ako naglakad papunta sa higanteng nilalang.

I saw him standing beside a tree at mukhang malalim ang iniisip nito. 

"Hey," I said. I saw him look at me at umayos naman siya ng tayo before clearing his throat. Hindi ko alam pero kinakabahan ako sa mga susunod niyang sasabihin. 

"How's Jesper?"

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. I hope na hindi siya magtanong kung ano ma ang pinag usapan namin.. 

"He's.. okay. I managed to calm him down." Tumango tango naman si Chanyeol. Nakakahiya. Akala ko may ginawa siya sa anak ko. "About earlier... I'm sorry Chanyeol. I'm sorry kasi sinigawan kita kanina. I was just--"

"Save it Baek." he said, humarap siya sakin at ngumiti. "I understand. I was a parent too. I understand what it feels kapag nakikitang umiiyak ang anak mo. Don't worry, it's okay. I completely understand why you acted that way with me." napahawak naman ako sa batok ko.