Loyal

Chapter 74

                        "Colin.."

            "No, Vera. Listen to me. Do you know how fuckin hard it was, to see you on that hospital bed?" Colin's voice breaks and I turn away. He shifts uneasily on the couch. Leah had told me about how he reacted, how he angry he was, how he was ready to flip the waiting room inside out if he didn't get an update on how I was doing.

 "Vera, I lost it. When I got the call, I didn't know what happened...I...Cam..the ambulance..." he veers off into silence.

            "I don't know what I would do if anything were to happen to you."

            Tears prickle in my eyes but I restrain them. I don't want to show weakness. Through the bruises and all, I want him to know I'm not weak. That even though I went through a shitty experience, he can't come groveling at my feet expecting me to forget everything else that happened. 

            "Vera, I love you. I need you to know that. I've been walking around...I feel like I'm fuckin sleep walkin...half awake. Nothing seems real without you."

            I'm silent.

            "Vera. You are my everything. You're the reason I can't sleep, you're the reason I...you're everything." I look up at Colin, his elbows are on his knees, and he stares through me with piercing brown eyes. "I just, want you to forgive me, for everything. For all my bullshit. I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry."

            I look down to the ground again, speechless.

            "You're beautiful Vera."

                        I scoff.

                        "This is hard for me. Everything going on, all the drama, and I don't...I don't want you to see me like this," I say it before I can catch myself.

            "Like what?"

                        "What do you mean like what?" My voice is fierce now. I hold my hands up to my face, and hot tears trail their way down the bruises on my cheeks. Beautiful? With my swollen face? I look like a hideous mess. I bury my face into my arms, and sob. It feels like all Ive been doing lately is crying, but crying is the only thing that feels right nowadays. I eventually feel the warmth of Colin come around me. I try to shove him away, but he doesn't budge. I surrender in his arms. I don't know how long I cry into his blue hoodie, but I cry as long as I need to, my breath heaving violently against him. As soon as I'm done I pull back, and Colin releases me.

            "Vera," he says quietly, kneeling down in front of me. He looks down, as if he's trying to choke back tears himself. 

            "You don't deserve this..." his voice is heavy, filled with emotion. He takes his bottom lip into his mouth and looks back up at me.

            He reaches out to me and I involuntarily flinch. Colin shakes his head and slowly brings his hands up to my face, gently cupping it with his hands.

            "I would never ever  put my hands on you, in a way that would hurt you. Never. Never have I ever put my hands on a woman in that way. There is no goddamn good reason for a man to lay hands on a woman. I'll spend the rest of my life making sure that this never happens again," he moves a strand of hair behind my ear, and traces my bottom lip with his hands. "I'll only ever touch you in a way that makes you feel good..." Colin's voice trails off. I feel a tingle spread through my body at his intimate touch, and I realize how close we are. It's been so long since I've felt his intimate touch. 

            I was just sobbing in his arms, and now I feel like ripping his shirt off. Leave it to Colin to bring me out of my sadness and make me feel horny. I bring my thighs together and move back in my chair, trying to ignore those feelings.

                        "Colin," I say uneasily. He backs up and sits on the ground.

            "I'm sorry."

                        "No, it's fine..it's just.."

            "You need space. Time?"

            I hesitate.

                        "I just want to take things slow. I've been through a lot lately," I manage to say. Colin nods his head in understanding. He positions himself so his elbows are on his knees.

            "I'll go as slow as you need me to," he says. "Vera, I won't fuck up again. I swear to you. If I do, you have the right to cut me off and I'll leave you alone," Colin looks up at me with a hand over his heart. A ringing comes from his pocket and Colin grabs his phone.

            "Shit! My ride is already at the house."

                        "Ride?"

            "Yeah, I have a photoshoot in Miami. Flight leaves soon." Colin jumps up, as if he's about to go, but slows down.

            "Unless you want me to stay. If you want me to stay I'll call right now and cancel the whole thing," he says sincerely.

            I shake my head no and laugh.

                        "I don't want the San Francisco Forty Niners quarterback putting things on hold for me," The air feels a lot more clear between us, the tension that was there when he first entered the apartment is thinner. Present, but less so.

            I stand up to say good bye, and he comes close to me, pulling me to him by the hand. My knees go weak being pressed against him.

            "Are you sure? It's just ESPN," he laughs into my hair.

                        "Go," I say finally. He pulls away, and looks down at my lips. There's a new tension between us, sexual tension. I push him towards the door and he shakes his head, smiling.

            "You're playin with my emotions baby girl," Colin laughs. He heads toward the door and before he leaves turns toward me.

            "I love you baby girl, don't you ever forget that," he says.

                        "Bye Colin, have a safe flight." Colin holds my gaze and heads out the door. 

            Baby girl. My hands travel to my stomach. I wonder if we're having a baby girl.