Yours Truly, Ramona

chapter thirteen | adrenaline.

"..but that's the past tense of the Spanish verb comer."

It's Monday afternoon and I'm stuck in Spanish 3 listening to Señora Pallum's annoying voice scream Spanish verbs at me.

"What's the 'to-form' of the verb tenemos, Ramona?"

My eyes are focused on the clock, only half-listening to what she's saying.

"Tener," I state impassively, knowing Pallum thought she had caught me zoning off.

Take that, bitch. I'm paying attention. Halfway, at least.

She looks taken aback that I actually answered her correctly, but recovers quickly.

"And what's the past tense of 'he or she has'?"

Okay, this ugly, old ass white bitch who wishes she was Hispanic is really testing me right now.

Does she think I'm stupid?

"Tenía." My voice remains at a monotone level, almost laced with a slight bit of attitude.

My hand is over my mouth too, and I'm mumbling purposely just to annoy the shit out of her.

"Take your hand away from your face. You know I hate it when you guys mumble!"

That's exactly why I did it, bitch.

As much as I want to piss her off even more by keeping my hand where it is, I don't want some bullshit detention, either. Señora Pallum has a way of finding a reason to give kids detentions for the smallest of things.

"And get your heads off the desks! Wake up, guys! C'mon!"

She bangs her hand against her desk a few times in an attempt to stir the emotionless students back to life. A few students jump at the loud sound while the others slowly peel their tired heads up from the desks.

At least knowing the hate for Pallum is a mutual thing among all of her students makes her class a little more bearable. Whenever her back is turned someone will flip her off or make a mocking face, which usually lightens the mood a little bit.

Sadly, I've been stuck with her for the last three years. Every year my stupid ass keeps signing up for Spanish, hoping and praying I get the other Spanish teacher.

I never do.

Reluctantly, I move my hand from my mouth and sit up in my seat.

"Alright, now we're going to watch a video. I want you all to pay attention, we'll be doing a reading on it afterwards."

She pulls up some youtube video that's about ten minutes long—the perfect amount of time for a short nap.

Pallum turns to her stack of papers as we're watching the video, which allows me to put my hand back over my mouth and zone out safely.

The first thought that comes to my mind is Mason.

I wonder what he's doing in school right now. Is he happy? God, I hope so. I crave him like a girlfriend craves her boyfriend's touch when he's gone.

I just want to hold him. I want to hear his laugh and see his smile.

These last few weeks have taught me so much. They've clearly shown me how much my brother's absence affects me in every part of life. I've never been apart from him for this long, and his absence is taking a toll.

I dream about him, I think about him constantly, and I find it hard to function. I'm not eating much, and sleep seems to be a thing of the past. Even on nights when I'm not working, I find it incredibly difficult to get to sleep.