Two Is Better Than One (L.h+A.i)

Chapter 24~

Today I was thinking, was going to be a long day. Ashton for one, we had no classes together and I haven't been to school since the incident. So when I walk through the doors, people send me pityfull looks and looks of sorrow. Oh course I didn't take it seriously. I knew they didn't care. They only pretended to care.

I just walked through the galls with my head down and my books pressed to my chest. The same way I did before I met Ashton. The same way i did when I thought god wanted me kill me..

I made it to my first class and it wasn't so bad because I had it with Calum. But it went by fast and I just doodled on my paper most of the time.

But soon enough school was over and Ashton texted me saying that he was staying for practice. So I just went back to the house and layed on the couch watching spongebob. Until I went back upstairs and decided to write for a little.

Dear journal,

I went back to school today. I don't like people. Well, I mean, I like Ash, Cal, and Mikey but everyone else not so much. They pretend to care. They give me those stupid pityfull looks that I hate seeing. You know the ones that tell you, "oh I'm sorry but I still don't really give a fuck about you." Yeah, those are the ones I hate.

I know I've said this before but, Ashton really is amazing. I'm greatfull to have him, but I know I don't deserve him..He deserves someone beautiful and smart, someone who doesn't have scars all over their body. Someone who is beautiful on the inside and outside. And that is defiantly is not me.

Speaking of scars. Some of mine are fading. Of course I do know that lots will stay because of how deep I used to cut. Honestly it feels nice sating that I've been clean for 5 days now. But it also hurts. I want to feel that pain again...but I don't want to hurt Ashton.

The last time I cut, Ashton found me in the bathroom, in a pool of my own blood, crying my eyes out. And what he did was pick the blade out of my hand and slice his wrist. I acted fast and stopped him of course. I cried harder as he asked me why I stopped him. I told him I didn't want him to be hurt. Then he responded by saying "then you know how I feel." And me being the big baby I am, I cried more.

I never knew he cared so much...

Sometimes I wish I didn't come out to my parents. Because then my mom wouldn't be in rehab and my father wouldn't be in jail. I wouldn't have had scars. But then I also remember that I would have never found Ash.

I wish he knew exactly how much I love him and how thankfull I am for him to be in my life. I know for sure that I wouldn't be here right now. I love him. And I don't want to loose him. Ever.

Love, Luke

Once I was done I put my book down and layed down on the bed. I stared at the wall for awhile before my eyes started to droop.

*

The next time I woke up an arm was wrapped tightly around my waist, and I knew exactly who it was. I looked behind me and saw him laying peacefully asleep. He was still wearing the clothes his practiced in, but I didn't mind. A small smile works its way onto my face because this is my life now. It had a lot of ups and downs, but I knew as long as I had Ashton here with me I could get through it.

He is my strength.

He makes me strong.

Hah, hi. *scratches back of my neck* been awhile. I'm really sorry guys I've had a few very long days...but I should be able to update more.     ~Shari!xx