You Want It All Until You Have It

Magic Tricks Are Only Escape Routes

"Why?" That's all I could ask. I felt like he did this on purpose. Was he trying to show me I couldn't have whatever I wanted?

"Why what?" He stared out of the window at the people on the street. Just another thing I couldn't have. His full attention.

"I had a hell of a hangover with a giant sprawled across when I woke up, and you were nowhere to be found. Then, I kindly drove Dan to his place, and guess what I found out. He's in a relationship with some mediocre at best looking man." I stabbed my pancakes with the fork. The diner was pretty dead. A few people came in and out for some coffee before their jobs that they hated. 

"First of all, that is not my fault. I can't always be around to babysit you, Ryan. Secondly, it's your fault. You let Dan come onto you. Lastly, I didn't know he had somebody. I don't fucking know everything about the man. I try, Ryan. I try to make you happy because I try to be a good friend, but somehow it's just never enough." Gabe was a great friend. I sure as hell didn't deserve it. I didn't know why he even tried to keep me around. I was always a dick to him, and I demanded he did things for me like just another butler. I was the Batman, and he was Alfred. I just never cared enough about people to risk my life and waste money to help them.

"Why do you stick around?" I didn't want the pitiful response. I wanted the cold hard truth.

"I honestly don't know. Somehow I find you tolerable and occasionally nice to be around." Gabe sighed and looked down at his hands resting on the table. "I'm sorry. That is probably not the answer you want, but it's all I can give. I'm sorry about the whole situation with Dan. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I can't help you anymore." I had finally pushed Gabe too far. I had a habit of doing that to people. They always fought to help, but I defended myself from them. I had pushed them, angered them, and upset them until they vanished. Gabe was in front of me then, but something always has to be there before it vanishes. A classic 'Now you see me. Now you don't' trick.

"I don't need your help." I was a grown man. I didn't need someone to hand me everything I had ever wanted. 

"Come on, Ryan. You know you would probably be dead if I hadn't been around. You would have drank yourself to death just like your father," he spat. 

"Don't feed your ego too much," I returned. He laughed and looked at me as if I were insane. 

"Look, I'm going to leave. Just call me in a few days when you discover you are completely dependant on me." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. No phone calls were going to be made. He stood up and laid enough cash to cover both of our meals on the table. The bell at the entrance rang as he exited. I followed closer behind. 

"You know, I gave you a ride here, and you're going to need a ride home," I called. The realization visibly hit him. He began down the sidewalk. "Just let me give you a ride!" I saw his head tilt back like he was annoyed that he was considering my offer. He walked back to the car and slumped into the passenger seat without a word. He was waiting for the apology he was never going to get. 

-

I was playing bits of anything I knew or wrote on the barely used piano. It was a shame that such a beautiful instrument had such a cruel owner. A shrill ring echoed throughout the room, battling the notes from the piano. I sighed as I picked up the telephone. It had been two days and he was already calling.  

"Look, Gabe I-" I got cut off. 

"What?"

"Oh, Dan. Shit. Sorry. I just. Hi," I finally managed. 

"Hello," he sounded confused. 

"So, what's up?" I asked, trying not to sound as nervous as I was. 

"Well, I don't have anything to do tonight, and Matt is going to be working, so I was wondering if you would like to go out tonight?" He sounded just as nervous as I did. It was relieving. Though, I had no idea who Matt was, I assumed it was Dan's current partner, if you will. 

"Yeah, I'd love to." I felt like a fifteen year old girl being asked out on her first date. 

"Can you be at Mélisse at six? Sorry for this being so last minute." I laughed. 

"Yeah, I'll be there. Thank you."

"Great. Thanks. Goodbye." The line went dead immediately. It was nice to know I wasn't the most awkward and nervous person in the planet. 

I couldn't help but to smile as I got ready for the evening. I thought about his stupid grin that I loved. It was sloppy, dumb, and probably the most genuine of the ones I've seen in my life in Los Angeles. My mind also wandered to Gabe. That last drive with him when he looked so disappointed. I couldn't give in, though. I was not one to admit defeat. He knew that. I combed my hair and let my mind slip back to Dan. I wondered about the little things Dan did and what he would do in any situation. I wondered what he would look like in different lighting and in different places. 

I made sure I looked my best. I wasn't sure if it was for Dan or if it was because I was going to a nice restaurant. It was mostly for Dan. I relaxed into the seat of the new, black camaro I had bought on impulse. I wasn't regretting it yet. I wondered if Dan would like it. Most of things I had bought in the past few days were to impress Dan. 

I had to impress Dan. 

-

Ryan was listening to Heartbeat (Chase & Satus Remix) by Nneka.