It's Ashton Not Ashley

18.

~Ashton's POV~

"Ashton, maybe you should talk to Luke," Calum said quietly as he looked up from his book that he's been reading.

I sighed and looked at him. "Tell me one reason why I should," I replied, a frustrated tone coming out of my mouth. I was sick and tired of the way Luke has been treating me that he didn't deserve my time.

"Maybe because he's actually sorry," Michael chimed in. To say that's wrong is an understatement because deep down, I knew he was upset with himself. I knew he was sorry. But I couldn't believe him.

"Ashton," Michael said as he looked at me. "He's broken. I've talked to him yesterday."

I sighed, not really in the mood to want to talk about Luke anymore. "At least call him," he said softly.
I nodded, dialing the number. I took a deep breath before the phone picked up.

"Hello?" His voice softly filled the phone and I almost cried on the spot of hearing it.

"H-Hi Luke."

"Ashton? What's up?"

He had sounded like he was crying, mixed with a bit of drinking. He was slurring his words, it was like I was almost able to smell the alcohol on his breath and I gagged.

"What's wrong?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"You're drunk," I said, my voice cracking.

"No."

"Yes you are!" I practically shouted at him. "I called you to tell you that I wanted to meet up and talk, but you just ruined it!"

"Why does it matter if I'm drunk?"

"I had to deal with that all my life! My dad physically beat the shit out of me every time he was drunk because he blamed my mother's death on me!"

"Fuck off! I had to deal with an alcoholic mother who slept all the damn time. I had to work my ass off to provide for myself, to pay the bills so we didn't get kicked out of the shittiest place! It's not all about you! At least your dad supports you being a fucking trannie!" He shouted, I could hear his voice strain.

"What?" That was it. Tears had started to spill over my eyes.

"You heard me. You act too much like a guy to be a guy."

"I can't believe you." I hung up the phone and hugged my knees, starting to sob.

There was no reason for him to mention the fact that I'm transgender. He just wanted an excuse to fuck me over again.

"Ash," Calum had said and came over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin upon my head. "I'm sorry," he said and kissed my cheek.

I nodded, still sobbing, as I buried my face into Calum's chest. He kept me close as I fell asleep into his arms.

----

~Luke's POV~

If I could stop speaking my mind, I would. It's kind of hard to do that especially when I'm mad. But I really did miss Ashton and the fact that I'm the one who hurt him really makes me feel disgusted in myself.

"Mom, my friend Ashton is transgender," I told her with a shrug. I know it didn't mean a lot to her, but to me it was much more than what I meant to anyone else.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I'm just mad at myself," I looked down, peeling at the skin on my finger.
"It may seem like it's not a big deal. But I always talk to you about Ashton. He's the one who cuts himself because of me. Anyways, I think the reason I hurt him was because," I immediately stopped talking. My mouth foamed and my voice was cracking. "I'm gay mom. T-That's why I hate Ashton. I was denying it, so you could be happy."

My mom hugged me tight and wiped the tears forming in my eyes.

"I already knew you were gay. I don't have a problem with it. I think you can fix this. You need to show Ashton you're sorry. I love you baby, but you can be a real ass sometimes." She let go of me and went into the kitchen to start cooking dinner.

I nodded and smiled a little as I sat down and opened my laptop.

I did research, reading through article after article just to find the information I was looking for. I took notes, writing down what I read about how transgender people felt.

After I read through all the information I could, took all the notes I was able to, I've decided to skip out on dinner and go to the store.

----
~Ashton's POV~

I was cuddled up into into Calum's shoulder, wearing my Pikachu onesie, and eating popcorn. My head was rested upon his chest, and my eyes were slowly drifting to sleep, Batman playing in the background. I haven't slept in a while. But eating that little bit of popcorn made me feel sick.

I stirred gently, a knock on the door startling me. My eyes quickly opened and pondered around the room. 

I stretched and looked up at Calum. "Someone's at the door," I said weakly. I coughed a little bit as Calum got up. "It's probably Michael. I invited him over," Calum said and went to the door. I turned my head towards the door and expected Michael to walk in.

"Get out," I turned back towards the television and hired it up.

"Look, I know you hate me, but I need to talk. It's important."

I turned the television off and frowned at Luke. "What do you want?" The way I had said it was cold. I wanted to make sure Luke knew how I felt about seeing him.

Looking at Luke, I had noticed that his blond hair was no longer quiffed. Instead it laid flat in a fringe. I had noticed that his lip ring was taken out, and he looked like he hasn't showered in a while. But he still looked gorgeous. His baby blue eyes batted off of the sunlight causing them to light up. 

I looked down at myself realizing that I looked awful. I was fat and my hair was a mess. My eyes were droopy with dark bags under them and my onesie was sliding off collarbones, revealing the fat that was there.

"I had something for you." He slowly handed me a gift bag, and I noticed how his eyes looked hurt when he saw me.

"T-Thanks," I said and I opened up the bag.

Calum put his hand on my shoulder wondering what I had got.

I pulled out a black binder. "Oh wow," I started. He interrupted me.

"No need to thank me. I got you this because an ace bandage is dangerous. I noticed that you still wear the ace bandage, even after having passed out from it. A binder does more significance, makes you look more masculine and you won't pass out or break your ribs with it."

"Is this your way of trying to win me back?" I asked sadly, holding the binder in my hand.

He shook his head, though I was able to tell he was lying.

"Okay," I said and I looked at it.

Wow, I haven't updated for almost a month! I've been out of school so I have no reason to not update. I probably start my new school Monday(sarcastic yay). I swear people are going to find out I'm trans and attack me, physically. That's the type of school it is....great.
Anyways, enjoy this chapter update.

Word count: 1,272