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FOUR

"is this jordan's way of asking me out on a date?"

symere

"aye symere, where you been at?"

as soon as i got back "home" (if you could even call it that), rakim was already questioning me about my wearabouts.

i had such a good day today that i forgot that i had to come back home to his ass.

"i've been at school rocky, you know, where i go every day? for my education?" i sighed as i kicked my shoes off and got ready to go upstairs.

"aye, don't get smart with me," rakim narrowed his eyes at me and snatched me by my forearm so hard it'll definitely bruise. "i'm just asking why your lil ass is home so late. you get off of school at 3. it's almost 5 now."

"i had detention. i got detention for the rest of the week just so you know," i softened my voice. i had a good day today, and the last thing i needed was rakim's temper to put me in a bad mood, so i calmed down, because i didn't want to piss him off. he gets even more violent when you piss him off, and i wasn't trying to be parading around with a black eye tomorrow.

he released my arm, bruises already starting to form on it. "aight sy. now gon' upstairs, i got company coming over."

i obeyed his instructions and went upstairs to my room, which was just a small room with a mattress on the floor and black bags full of my belongings, but it was better than being homeless.

my relationship with rakim was complicated. he was one of the neighborhood drug dealers, and he had always had a soft spot for me ever since i was 13 and he was 21. he would always stop by the house just to "chill" with me, and he even supplied me with free weed a few times. i never would have suspected that our "friendship" was anything but platonic, especially considering he's nearly a decade older than me, but when i was younger i did have a slight crush on him.

how could i not? even though rocky was a complete and total monster on the inside, on the outside he had looks that could rival a runway model's. he had perfect teeth, a sexy new york accent, smooth skin, and the best jawline i've ever seen.

too bad he was an abusive, manipulative piece of shit.

last year, when i got kicked out of my home after i got outed for being gay, and word got to my parents, rakim saw me walking down the street with nothing but my backpack, and he asked me what happened, and he offered to let me stay at his "trap house" in exchange for letting him fuck me every now and then.

he made it clear that we weren't dating, and that we was just doing each other a favor. sometimes when he was off xans he could be a little abusive, like now. he made me stay upstairs whenever anybody came over, just in case anybody connected the dots and realized what our "relationship" was. not only was rakim DL, but i was also 15 at the time. he didn't want to catch a case for smashing an underage boy, so i understood it.

but honestly, over the past year i've grown to hate rakim. how could i not? he treats me like one of his hoes, and in a way, i guess i am. i'm literally fucking so i can have a place to stay, and it don't get no more hoeish than that.

but still, that doesn't give him a right to hit me and abuse me the way he does...

jordan would never want me if he knew what was really going on with me. he'd be beyond disgusted with me if he found out, shit, i'm disgusted with myself.