standing next to me - milex

17

CHAPTER 17.

The days kept rolling by. Alex spent a little bit of time off school and returned The next Thursday. Saturday was the day of the funeral.

On Friday, Miles was laying down next to Alex on Alex's bed.

"Why are you so worried, Mi? Nothing will go wrong." Alex said, trying to comfort his boyfriend.

"My dad's gonna be there."

Alex knew about Miles's dad. His dad and his mum divorced when he was five years old, and he hadn't seen him since.

"It's been twelve years..." Miles continued. "What if I fuck it up? What if I get mad at him? I don't even know what he's like..."

"It'll be alright, Mi. Remember, I'm going to be there for you. Okay?" Alex reassured his boyfriend, tracing shapes on his back with his finger.

"I just don't want to ruin it." Miles muttered under his breath.

"You won't." Alex whispered, leaving a soft kiss on his lips.

"You do things to me. Things I never thought someone could do to me. And here you are, being absolutely gorgeous and making my heart flutter."

"I told you you're good with words. Write me a song. You're good at guitar, please..." Alex elongated his last word, gripping onto Miles's collar.

"Maybe." Miles kissed Alex's forehead and cuddled him, stroking Alex's hair that was slightly growing back to its normal length now.

"Don't leave me." Alex uttered softly into his chest.

"How could I?"

-

Saturday. The day of the funeral. Alex was ready in his suit. He'd never really worn a suit before.

Miles, his mother and his aunt turned up in a black car to take Alex with them. After saying goodbye to his parents, Alex jumped in the back with Miles, greeting his boyfriend's mother and auntie.

"You okay?" Alex whispered to Miles.

Miles looked at him, and Alex knew what he was thinking. Miles had dark bags under his eyes, tear-stained cheeks and chapped lips.

"I-I have to carry the coffin." Miles said softly, so his mum or auntie didn't hear as the car started.

Alex sighed and rubbed his fingers over Miles's knuckles. "I love you and I promise it'll be okay."

Miles rested his head on Alex's shoulder, squeezing his hand. Alex knew how upset Miles would be today. He hated seeing Miles upset, it ruined him.

Alex just wrapped one arm around his boyfriend, the other arm preoccupied as his hand was holding Miles's hand. For the whole two hour journey back to The Wirral, they stayed silent, and drove to the church. Alex heard Miles sniff a couple of times, meaning he was holding back tears. Every time Miles sniffed, Alex squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, and rubbed his knuckles. Once they arrived, Miles's mum opened the door for Miles and Alex.

Miles slowly climbed out, Alex following soon after. Shutting the door, Alex went to follow Miles's aunt and mum, assuming Miles would follow him. Instead, Miles grabbed Alex's wrist and pulled him back.

"Alex, I'm so scared, what if he's horrible?" Miles whispered.

Alex quickly entwined their fingers. "It's going to be absolutely fine, I promise. Because I'm here for you, okay?"

Miles nodded, wiping his tearing up eyes. "Will you hold my hand during the service?"

Alex leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You know I will."

Miles blushed. "Let's go."

The two boys walked side by side and hand in hand. They walked into the church and sat down in the pews. There were a few people there already, and more were piling in. As everyone greeted each other, Miles and Alex stayed seated.

"He's not here yet." Miles said, before looking at the casket presented at the front of the church. "Al, I don't think I can do this."

"It'll be okay, love." Al soothed him. It would be a tough day to get through.

A few minutes later, Miles's mother walked over to them. "Miles, could you come with me for a moment?"

Miles looked over at Alex.

"I'm fine here, it's alright." Alex smiled sweetly. Miles sighed and squeezed his hand tightly, before mouthing 'I love you'. Miles hadn't told his mum that he and Alex were together, let alone that he was bisexual. Miles left with his mother, and Alex watched. Miles suddenly stopped in his tracks, but was gently pulled along by his mother. They approached a man who looked a lot like Miles; his father.

Alex anxiously watched Miles awkwardly make conversation with his father. After some words were exchanged, his dad pulled Miles into a hug. It took Miles a few seconds but eventually he wrapped his arm around his father too. They then said more words, and suddenly Miles pointed over at Alex, who had to pretend he wasn't watching. Soon, they walked over to the now alone boy.

"Um, Al, this is my dad. Dad, this is Alex, my boy-best friend."

"Hi." Alex greeted him timidly.

"Nice to meet you, Alex. Now, I've got to go and talk to your mother, Miles. It was nice to finally catch up with you." Miles's dad smiled at the boy before leaving. Miles sat down next to Alex, signing deeply.

"He seemed nice." Alex said positively.

Miles shrugged. "He was alright. Better than I thought."

"You did it, see? I'm proud of you." Alex smiled at him.

Miles sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I look like a mess."

"My mess." Alex mumbled into Miles's ear. "Always."

Miles pulled a weak smile. All Alex could do was stare at his lips. Miles noticed, and an unreadable expression was set upon his face. He looked...almost embarrassed.

"Al, please stop."

"What do you mean? Stop what?" Alex asked, completely and utterly confused.

"Looking at my mouth like that. Please, Al. It's...it's a bloody funeral."

Alex gasped, realising that he had been thinking about his boyfriend's lips on his the whole time. "Oh, god. Mi, I'm so sorry. I didn't even realise what I was doing. I'm really sorry."

"It's alright, just...don't do it again."

"I promise. I'll still hold your hand, like you asked."

Miles gladly accepted that and held Alex's hand tightly. Soon, the service began, and everyone silently listened. Miles's eyes were filling up with tears, that slowly trickled down his cheeks. Alex couldn't do anything to help him, other than watch the service along with everyone else.

Once the service ended, Alex instantly turned to Miles and started wiping his cheeks with his sleeves. "It's alright."

Miles shook his head. "No. It's not. Not now." Then he stood up and left Alex to talk to his mother.

Alex didn't even know how to react. Miles had left him there to sit by himself.

It's not his fault. He's just upset. He'll be okay and he'll be happy. He'll cuddle me and kiss me and hold me.

Please, don't be sad for long, Miles...