standing next to me - milex

01

CHAPTER 1.

"the beginning"

what could be the start of something

something is happening to me.
and i'm not too sure if i like it or not.

miles.
miles kane.
miles peter kane.

i've been his best friend since he was born, almost. we've done everything together. we write songs together, we have laughs together, sometimes we'll even hide in alleyways and buy marlboros from john. sometimes he'll even get us 72's.

i've been feeling differently about miles lately. it started when we were at a club together. we shouldn't have been there. it was an over eighteens, we were sixteen. miles went to dance with a girl. i watched him dance with this girl, and this horrible feeling churned inside of me. i despised it.

the way his hips moved against hers and how his beautiful teeth showed through his beautiful, pink lips. that smile was my smile. i wanted to be the only one he smiled at.

his wet hair stuck to his forehead, which he had pressed against this girl's.
i wanted that to be my forehead he had his pressed against.

it hurt my stomach. it felt so bad. i couldn't stand it any longer. but instead of walking over there and ruining not only this blossoming relationship, but also my friendship with miles, i drank lots and lots of booze. drank my thoughts away. and then i bought some golds off someone and smoked my depression off. miles hasn't noticed i'd gone. so i left.
and yet that didn't stop the feeling.

i'm in love with miles peter kane.

his name is so beautiful. it rolls off the tongue. i could say his name and his name only and i should never get bored.

i want miles to read these. but i'd be so embarrassed if he did.

miles, my dear, if you're reading this, please know that i love you. i love you hopelessly, attentively, and more so devotedly. if you have no intention of loving me back i wouldn't know what i'd do. but i will carelessly love you all the more.
just know that, kane.

- alex t.