All At Once

Ch. 28: New Beginnings or New Endings?

1 Year Later

"Hi Nannette, sorry I'm late. There was tons of traffic, everyone on their way home to their families and all that stuff." 

I took my seat in front of her in her office.

"Oh it's fine, that's L.A. for ya." Nannette replied. 

"So what do you have for me on this fine day?" I asked. 

"Well aren't we chipper this evening? Okay, I know I normally would tell you over the phone but I got you a huge opportunity, so I thought I should tell you in person."

"Really? Thank god, I need this." I let out a sigh of relief, "These commercials are killing me."

"Exactly! Perfect. I pulled every string I got to get you this audition for a new t.v. show. You know why? Because I believe in you, Annabel. Now when you do your thank you speech as you accept your award at whatever award show, my name better be in there somewhere."

I laughed. "Alright, alright. What is it?"

She handed me a thick stack of papers and my eyes got wide. 

"This is a script for the first half of the pilot, they're going to choose a scene from this when you audition so know the whole thing like the back of your hand by next Tuesday at 5. Got it?" 

"Uh, yeah. Got it. Thanks." I murmered and grabbed my purse, walking out the door while looking at my new script.

"See you later sweetie!" I heard Nannatte call out. 

"See you." I said and proceeded to walk out the door.

...

As I was driving to my new apartment I kept glancing at the passenger seat at my new script, I had never auditioned for an actual t.v. show before. 

I pulled up into my parking spot and put the car in park, pulling the keys out of the ignition and grabbing my script. It was already starting to get dark outside, the sky a dark purplish/red as the sun was setting. 

I walked in the door and went directly to the couch surrounded by boxes, still unpacked. 

My phone started ringing and I grabbed my purse, rummaging through it and debating answering the unknown number. In the end I answered. 

"Hello?" 

"Hello?" I repeated.

"Hi, is this Annie?" The person voice sounded familiar but I convinced myself it was my mind playing tricks on me.

"Yes."  I said, simply.

"Good. I mean, I used to know your number by heart but I wasn't sure if you still had the same-"

"Harry?" I asked.

"Yes Annie?" he said, almost immediately.

I wasn't sure what to say...I was having trouble even telling myself that this was actually happening.

"Why did you call me?" I said, breaking the silence.

"I guess I'm-I don't know...just needed to hear your voice, I guess." his voice cracked.

As soon as he said it I could feel my heart in my chest. Except it felt like it was slowing down, not speeding up. It felt like time was slowing down, like I was slipping into oblivion, more unsure than I ever have been in my life.

"I don't know what to say to you."

"I know."

There was silence on both sides once again. 

I had been waiting for this phone call for so long and now that I was living it, I had no idea what to say. After the tour ended 6 months ago I expected him to call me, try and get in touch. But he didn't. 3 months later, still nothing. I began losing hope. By now I had convinced myself he had either forgotten about me or just didn't want to face me again and tell me it was over. Or maybe he found someone else.

I seldom thought about Harry Styles anymore. Told myself I was better off alone. But when I did think about him, it was usually in a drunken stupor and I hated myself for loving someone who left me behind. 

One drunken night about 4 months ago I tried calling him but the number was disconnected, which explains why I didn't recognize the phone number he was using now, he must have changed it, which at that moment hurt me more than my own thoughts ever would, thinking he changed his number to get away from me. 

"I have to go." I said. 

"Wait Annie, I think we should talk."

"About what?" my voice was emotionless, lifeless even. 

"I just- Can I meet you somewhere? I know you don't live in the same house but I think we should talk."

"You don't think your 6 month long silence said enough?" I wasn't getting mad, wasn't raising my voice. I was drained, tired of hating myself over this man. 

I heard him sigh and hesitate.

"Are you happy?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, are you happy? With your life, with everything. Just in general. Are you happy, Annie?"

It was my turn to sigh and hesitate, I wasn't sure how to answer. Was I happy? I don't know. Was I okay? Yes. Healthy? Yes. Making good career choices? Probably. Was I still having my routine mental breakdowns? No. I wasn't happy just quite yet, but I was on my way there.

"I'm getting there." was the best I could get out to him. 

"Are you at least still living in L.A.?" he asked.

"Yes." I hesitated.

"Meet me at Sue's in an hour. Please Annie, I need to explain myself. I need to see you."

Before I could say anything he hung up. By "Sue's" I knew he meant the place he took me when we first met. When I was a mess after witnessing Connor cheating on me and Harry took me to Sue's Soup. How could he expect me to just forgive and forget and go to meet him? 

I didn't have much left anyways, I gave everything I had to him before he left and I never got it back. But no matter how hard I knew this was going to be, I felt like I needed to see him too. 

I planned to start reading my script for a half hour and then leave but I found myself having to re-read paragraphs over and over again in my head. And when that didn't stick, I read them out loud. It was no use, of course. I just had too much on my mind.