All At Once

Ch. 13: Swimming Thoughts and Drowing Decisions

It was weird, and it was different. I had hoped he didn't think it was more than I felt it was, but to be honest I wasn't completely sure why I did it. 

After we pulled away, I felt so embarrassed.

"I- I don't know what to say, you still manage to make me speechless Annie. I want that again. I want you again." Connor said.

I don't know why it got to me, but I was ashamed with myself, ashamed for being confused. How could I still love someone who hurt me so much?

"Hey, no no, no crying, shh." Connor said, trying to comfort me in another hug.

"I'm not crying. I have to go." I muttered and pushed him off so I could get into my car.

Once I had the car on I quickly drove out of the parking lot and to my house, but I stayed parked in the driveway for a while. I was just thinking at first, but thinking led to crying and crying led to sobbing. I did my best to just breathe and get myself as together as possible, I needed to get back to Josh, he was probably waiting for me inside.

I applied a little more makeup to make my eyes less puffy and walked to the front door. I took a deep breathe and opened the door to an empty house. No josh, just complete silence.

...

"So are there a lot of hot celebrities at these things?" Josh asked.

We had just parked and were getting out of the car into the X-Factor parking lot. It was finale night so I got there extra early knowing it would be beyond packed later.

"Demi Lovato is a judge," I said.

"Besides her?"

"I don't know Josh I never really paid attention."

I got out our backstage passes and handed Josh his. We headed to the dressing rooms and found Harry sitting on a couch eating an apple.

"Well if it isn't the two best looking siblings I know!" Harry said, getting up. Josh looked at me quizzingly but I just rolled my eyes. Harry gave me a hug and Josh one of those hand shakes guys do that I will never understand.

Just then Connor, Lynsey, and Reese, the final 3 walked up. Harry must have felt the tension too because he spoke up.

"Josh this is Reese and Lynsey, and this is-"

"Dude how've you been! Long time no see." Connor said to Josh.

"I know but yeah, I've been pretty good. You?"

"I'm living the dream, man." Connor said.

Harry looked down at his shoes, and things got awkward.

"Well we're going to do another sound check but I'm glad you came. Both of you." Connor said, looking at me.

"Alright man, see you later." Josh waved and they walked away. I still hadn't told Josh nor Harry about lunch with Connor, it made it that more awkward between me and Connor.

"I didn't know you guys were so close." Harry laughed.

"Connor's like a brother to me," Josh said, laughing it off. "I'm gonna go check out...everything." He continued, looking awkwardly at Harry and I. "I'll meet you at our seats when the show starts." He said to me and walked off.

"Hey Annie, are you okay love?" Harry asked. I had been a little out of it all day, not paying attention and thinking about what to tell Connor.

"I'm fine." I said, nodding,

"Are you sure? You can tell me," he added.

"I-I just..." I began. Harry was my friend, if I wanted to talk about why I was stressed about Connor I was sure he'd be okay with listening and understand.

"Harry Styles, we need you on the stage immediately, the rest of the judges have arrived as well." A guy who looked a little nerdy with a microphone attached to his head came up and interrupted.

"I'll be right back, don't go anywhere." Harry said, quickly kissing me on the cheek. I still wasn't used to that, I wasn't sure if it made me uncomfortable or not, yet.

I felt a sudden ping of guilt and anxiety wondering how Connor would feel if he had seen that and how Harry would feel if he knew about lunch with Connor. I didn't even want to feel that way about Harry, but I guess I did. I definitely did not like this feeling. 

I was left alone with my thoughts, again.