the diary // jensoo

there's a reason behind everything (19)

"because i-i'm dating kenzo."

i was told that it was the truth that truly hurts. little did i know, lies did too.

the second i said that, i felt a stab right in my chest; it was unbearable. it was as if i was struck by lightning. but it wasn't the painful jolt that really bothered me, it was the flash of hurt in jennie's eyes that did.

i was confused--

all the life in her eyes seemed to have been drained. her mouth parted, but no words came out. i wanted to take back what i said, but just like her, i couldn't bring myself to say anything at all.

and so, we stared at each other. i almost wished that my eyes could speak for me, so that i would never taste the bitter aftertaste of my own words whenever i tell her a lie. but that wish was short lived. because if my eyes could speak the words my mouth fails to say; i'd be in pieces.

as i desperately scanned jennie's face for any reaction, silence was slowly swallowing us whole. and just as i was about to do something to break the pernicious silence, we get called to the kitchen for dinner.

jennie got off the sofa as fast as she could, leaving me all alone in the living room. she said nothing, not a glance was thrown to my direction.

she acts as if i've said something offensive, but i didn't. i told her a lie to keep her away from me. i just can't stand the fact that she can just kiss and hold like i'm nothing.

and maybe i am nothing for her. but for myself, i'm not just nothing. my parents didn't raise me to think so lowly of myself.

reluctantly, i also stood from the sofa to head to the kitchen. i see jennie helping mom on setting the table.

amid my hurt, i couldn't help but smile at how sweet they looked. my mother and her seems to get along perfectly. it's as if jennie had made my home her home. and i didn't mind.

"jennie, jisoo, you two can sit down. i'll just go get the macaroons so you can have them for dessert," mom said, completely oblivious to the awkward atmosphere radiating off us.

jennie smiled and nodded. earlier, she was looking at me as if i've murdered her whole family and now she's smiling at my mom. i envy her. she seems to move-on from things rather quickly.

she sat down and i followed suit, sitting just right beside her. i glanced at the wall clock and sighed when i realized that it was already 9:30pm. soon, jennie would have to go home. soon, i'll embark into another journey -- this time -- kenzo (probably) no longer beside me. which, personally, i think is way better, he's too good to me.

a few more seconds of just pure, agonizing silence, mom finally comes back with a plate full of colourful macaroons.

"these look amazing, ms. ki-"

"mother," mom cuts jennie off, smilling.

"r-right," she coughed and stifled a smile. "these look amazing m-mother."

"i know right?" she poked jennie's cheek and chuckled. "eat up, kids. eat a lot. especially you jennie," she gently placed her hand on top of jennie's shoulder and pouted slightly. "look at you, you're so thin! i can pick you up with one hand!"

instead of being offended, jennie laughed. she nodded her head in agreement and smiled brightly at my mom.

"will do," she replied. "thank you so much for the meal."

and just like that, jennie started to dig right in to the food. i couldn't help myself but to look at how she devoured the food my mom made. she looked absolutely adorable.