2:07 PM || Modern bellarke

Chapter 10

BELLAMYS POV

"It wasn't your fault." I remind Octavia. I let myself fall in the seat next to her. She was beating herself up because in her mind she's the one to blame for Clarke being in the hospital. "Don't do this to yourself." Her head rises and her puffy eyes meet mine. She had makeup running down her face and a sniffy nose. With a tearful voice she says to me: "stop it Bellamy, we all know that I should've been with her in the car to prevent it all."

I shake my head and hang back in the grey chair. The hospital was deserted. Once in a while you see a doctor walk by with pain across their face ready to tell awful news. A hospital gives me this feeling, a feeling I can't explain. It's like the world slows down and my chest tightens. The light around me turns grey instead of colors and everything becomes somber. All because of that one thing, because of that one person I lost. A person I loved so much that it hurts.

"Octavia just talk to me, please." I try one more time. This time she doesn't give anything about what I'm saying. She doesn't even look up. She was either playing with her necklace or she's staring at her empty hands. Her gaze was empty and emotionless, sometimes there where sparks of emotion but they were brief.

The guilt Octavia had was killing me. I wanted to take all her sad feelings, so that she could live a happy life. I would sacrifice myself just for her, for her happiness. But I couldn't, I couldn't take her pain away and I couldn't stop making her hate herself. And I sure of all couldn't watch her for any longer burying herself in the guilt. That's the reason why I stood up and make a pace toward somewhere, somewhere that isn't here. The only thing was that I couldn't walk away, I was being hold back by a hand that grabbed my wrist.

By the feeling of a hand touching my skin I turned around. My vision locked with Octavia's eyes. "You're not leaving, are you?" She questions, her voice almost on breaking point. I look into her distant stare but she quickly turned her eyes away. Those big happy green eyes that turned sad and grey. I pulled my wrist out of her grip. I drew my arms close to my chest, hugging myself. While looking down at the ground avoiding eye contact. "I have to O." I apologize, I swallow and invisible lump in my throat. "I don't want to lose you too."

With every step I take my feet seems to sink into the ground, it was like quicksand. I sank more and more in a deep hole, a hole I couldn't get out. Sounds, sounding like Clarke her voice her laugh, surrounded me. I began to step up my pace but the quicksand and the tones kept following me. I took it for a run, the world began to spin and my vision blurred out.

With full speed I crashed into the bathroom. One big step and I reached the sinks. With my hands I grabbed the white basin and looked in the mirror. My broken reflection looked back at me. I began to rethink all the things the doctor told us. All the things he said but weren't in proper English so no one really understand. But one thing was us all clear: the chances of Clarke waking up is getting smaller at the second. Her mother wasn't even here. It broke her heart to leave her only daughter like this, but duty called. It broke her more that she, and the doctors, couldn't find out what was wrong with Clarke. All things could happen when she wakes up.

A tear slipped behind my eyelid and began to fall down making a trace like of a slug on a leave. I let me legs fall out under me slowly I began to slip to the ground. But my back sticked to the wall I made my way to the floor. Once on the floor I hugged my knees, looking for my own comfort. Memories of Clarke kept popping up behind my eyes, one more memory and I couldn't keep a dry eye. I closed my eyes and there flushed a imagine past: a little blonde beautiful girl smiled at me and said 'I hate you'. She playfully slaps me with a huge grin across her face. She shakes her head 'I really hate you Bellamy Blake.' This girl was a 12 year old Clarke, but guessing from her reaction the line between hate and love was thin.

A drop of salt water made his way down my face. Once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. I bent forward where I sat on the floor and pressed my palms to the mat, I began to cry with a force of a hurricane. All I could do was embrace myself and let the torrent of my tears to soak through my shirt. I clenched my fists, not knowing whether to be mad or give up hope all together. I was silently screaming, suffocation with each breath. "Whyyy?!" I looked up, letting the tears find its way down.

"Why, why her?!" I asked, to no one in particular. I had a heart that was aching and a runny nose. But I had to pull myself together, for Clarke. Out of nowhere I heard a knock on the door. I quickly dried my tears, but I still had the puffiness left. The door slowly opened leaving a squeaky sound. A brown haired girl popped her head through the opening. Her eyes locked with mine and her gaze changed. The way she looked in generally had changed. She clears her throat and speaks up. "Bellamy? The doctors have news on Clarke." As fast as I could I gathered myself together and jumped on my feet again. One more time I tried to get all the crying leftovers out of my face. And I began to make the walk to the room where the beautiful girl was laying.

Hey guys sorry that you've waiting this long for a chapter. It isn't even that long but that's only because this was the hardest chapter yet I had to write, I spend 2 days writing it. And I still have the feeling it isn't the best at least I tried. But yeah if you enjoyed it leave a like, comment and share:)
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