Turn Our Guns to Fists

Neon Gravestones

***Tys POV ***

"Tyler, it's freezing outside." Jenna followed me to the door.

"I'll be okay, love." I said as I put on my coat.

"You're wearing basketball shorts." She sighed.

"I won't be gone long."

"At least wear a hat." She handed me a knitted black hat.

"Of course." I smiled and put it on. "I'll be back soon. Don't lock me out." I reminded her after I gave her a kiss on the cheek.

I walked down the road, all the way to the park, and followed the small trail that lead back to the woods where no one would hear me. I just like going here to think, sing, scream, whatever I need to do. I kept walking down the path and began to sing.

"I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath.
I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath.
I want to be known
by you
I want to be known
by you

Though I'm weak
and beaten down
I'll slip away
Into the sound
The ghost of you
Is close to me
I'm inside out
You're underneath."

I sighed knowing that I couldn't finish the song that I had started two years ago. I sang it a few more times in my head until more came to me.
I changed my voice to a whisper

"Don't let me be gone
Don't let me be gone
Don't let me be gone
Don't let me be gone"

I started sprinting down the path through the woods and behind the church closing my eyes and just trusting myself with each step,

"Don't let me be!
Don't let me be!"

I imagined Josh's drums pounding on the stage, a stadium full of people singing with me.

"Ahhhh yeahhhh
I'm a goner somebody catch my breath
I'm a goner somebody catch my breath
I wanna be known by you
I wanna be known by you."

I dropped down to my knees, out of breath, sweaty but freezing as the November air sent chills through me. I held my head in my hands for awhile until I decided to look up and head back home. As I slowly lifted my head I realized what my body had lead me too.

Kelly Joseph
Mother, wife, sister, and caretaker
1960-2002

I leaned against the gravestone for a little bit, pulling the black hat over my eyes, part of my nose, and ears. "I miss you. We miss you." I sighed. "I'm sorry I don't come visit you as much anymore. I just have a lot going on, with work, and Jenna, and everything. It's scary mom, I'm growing up, getting a job, marring Jenna, the girl of my dreams, buying a house eventually. I wish you were here to see it all, I wish you were here to help me, give me advice for marriage and stuff. Dads gone bonkers without you, as I'm sure you remember from last time I came here. It was just a few weeks after the funeral, I told you that I was moving in with Josh, that we had all left dad." I felt a warm tear run down my face. "I should go though, ya know, Jenna and Josh are probably worried. I love you mom." And with that I got up and walked home. I listened to the leaves crunch under my tennis shoes as I walked up the path back through the park, away from the church, eventually up the steps to my apartment. I was freezing by now but I just ignored it. I should've listened to Jenna though and put on pants instead of these shorts. I opened the door.