Elena's Fantasy Diaries

The Two

Damon left and I lied to Stefan, telling him feeding was awful and I hated it. I'm not sure if her believed me because I admitted I got caught up in the blood high. although I didn't say anything about me dirty dancing with Damon. I just hope Bonnie doesn't tell him. Things are already strained enough between Stefan and me. I think Stefan suspects I still have feelings for Damon, and now that I'm a vampire I understand Damon more. He also knows that I need help adjusting to being a vampire, and Stefan can't be the one to be there for me which eliminates all of the barriers which prevented me from choosing Damon when I was human. I think Stefan wishes I was human again, probably even more than I do. I don't like what I'm becoming, but I know I have to accept it, because I'm going to be this person for eternity. Constantly living with guilt is not an option and I need to find a way to adjust and Stefan is not the right person to help me with thatr I need someone who won't judge me until I come into my own and find myself once more. To at least the discover vampire version of myself.

Back to the dream. I dreamed we were at the party and Bonnie never interrupted Damon and me dancing. Things got a little more heated, to the extent of doing things I would never do. But in my dream I could do it with no consequences because I felt free and I didn't care what other people around us thought of me. I think deep down that is what I'm desperate for. Freedom to express myself. Yes the dream was erotic, and it was about Damon, but there was more to it. It was also about how I perceive my life right now, like I'm trapped and although I'd never do what I did in the dream, I was doing whatever the hell I wanted to do without anyone judging me, with the only person I know that doesn't hold me to impossible expectations. Instead he'd support me because he loves me. And part of me knows that I love him too.

I wonder when the next dream will be.

E

....the previous night's dream.

Damon, Elena and Bonnie all stood outside the white fraternity building which for the night was called the Murder House at Whitmore College. Damon was teaching Elena how to feed and Bonnie was going to meet the guy who had taken over from Grams as Professor of Occult studies at the college. He had some stuff which once belonged to Grams and Bonnie had come to collect it. They were meeting him at the frat party, which suited both Damon and Elena's agenda as Damon's earlier attempts to show Elena how to feed hadn't gone down well when she'd had an attack of conscience and compelled her victim to leave without feeding. Therefore Damon convinced Elena this was the perfect opportunity as she'd find plenty of people who wouldn't have that effect on her, meaning it would be an easy place to learn.

Their decision to go to the party meant they needed to dress up as either killers or victims. They'd spent the remainder of the afternoon looking for the perfect costumes to wear. True to form, Damon went as a killer, and Elena and Bonnie were two of his victims.

The three of them entered the house to be met by a guy with fake blood splattered all over his clothes, holding a glass of red alcoholic liquid in his hands.

"Hey. I'm Frankie, unassuming serial killer." Frankie introduced himself with a smile.

"I'm Jack." Damon smiled a fake smile as they all took a drink from the girl walking by with a tray full of drinks containing the same red liquid as what was in Frankie's glass. "And these are the two lovely ladies I just...Rippered." he joked.

"Welcome to the Murder House, Bloody Mary's are free until midnight. Enjoy yourselves." Frankie grinned and walked away as they started looking around. Elena noticed an entrance to a room which was dark with strobe lighting and where loud dance music was pumping out the speakers. Elena assumed that must be the main area of the party where the crowds would be.