Full Circle

Chapter 15 - Miss (Part 1)

But I still need to see him everyday, so I had canvases and paint delivered. I focused all my remaining energy painting his face, his body and us. I painted how we used to be. I painted the future we can never have together. I painted and painted and painted. I painted all the things we'll be missing out on. I couldn't stop painting because there's still so much I want to do with him. But I know painting will never be enough. It's just not the same.

I spend all my days just staring at my love,  making the most out of my eyesight before I totally lose them. I know I will eventually because there would be times when they would just shut down and I would go blind for a couple of hours.

I tried my best not to be a bother to anyone, not to be a deadweight to the people I care about, but the unbearable loneliness and emptiness pushed me over the edge. I succumb. But I still have to be logical and cautious about this. Maybe I just need someone to talk to. I call her.

Girl: Hello?

Phana: Hello, miss gorgeous.

I'm trying to sound lively so she wouldn't suspect anything. She doesn't need to know and I don't want her to worry.

I just need to hear her voice, actually, any living person's voice that I care about will do, but I know she's the safest one to call.

Girl: Who is this?

Phana: I'm hurt, miss lovely. You don't remember this handsome boy?

Girl: Cut the crap and tell me who you are!

I smile as I hear her get agitated. It's been so long. I missed her. I missed us talking like this and I just can't help but tease her. My spirit lifted slightly as I talk to her.

Phana: I'm someone you know very well, miss. We spent a lot of time together before you left me.

Girl: OMG! Phana, is that you? My baby!

Phana: I thought you've forgotten about me. You didn't even recognize my voice.

Girl: How could I ever forget you? Silly boy. It's just that your voice sounds different. It's very croaky. Are you dying or something? Hahaha!

Phana: Uhm, ha-ha. Anyway, how are you, P?

Girl: I'm doing well. And you? Why'd you call? You never call me. Did you mess up again? Something's wrong, I can tell. C'mon, spill.

Phana: Whoa! Slow down. You just had an entire conversation by yourself.

Girl: Are you not going to tell me? Tell me now before I lose my patience with you!

Phana: Nothing's wrong, P. I just wanted to know if you're doing okay. I missed you. Okay, got to go now. Bye!

I try to end the call quickly, knowing that she's sensing something, but she wouldn't let it go. That's so typical of her.

Girl: Phana Kongthanin! Tell me what's wrong this instant or else...!

I pull the phone away to save my eardrums from bursting. How can she tell I have a problem? She really knows me well and I have no escape. She doesn't make empty threats. I can't tell her though, well not all of it at least. Ugh! Why did I even think about calling her?

Phana: Alright. Alright. But how can you tell?

Girl: You're still so stupidly dense. I practically raised you, of course I can tell. Stop stalling and tell me now!

Phana: It's nothing. Your nong is just lonely.

Girl: Aww, my poor baby. Did you and your boyfriend get into a fight?