S.O.S. [Depressed!France X England]

Chapter 3: To be afraid of...

The next morning was the beginning of another shining day. At least we talk about the weather only. It was darker for France. He was awake, but he chose to stay in the bed instead getting up and having a tasty breakfast.

Should I get up? Should I go outside? Should I be seen? I should! If they don't see me...! What? They won't worry about me anyway, everything is pretty normal. It's not a strange thing that I don't want to go outside for today . It'll be okay! They won't notice! I don't see Prussia or Spain outside everyday anyway, we all have our personal lives... I deserve to stay inside as well. I don't care!

How did I get here anywa--

He stopped for a while.

Canada... Oh, non... Why did he come anyway? In the wrong place, wrong time... Mon Dieu, what did I say to him?! Anything about myself? Non, non, non...

He sat up and closed his eyes suddenly with the pain inside his head.

"Ouch..." then he layed back. He thought about the painkillers after that. He stood up and went to the bathroom.

He looked at the sink after he reached there, aimlessly. Then his lookings went to the mirror. He watched his own reflection on the mirror. He seemed really bad. Although he liked to give importance to his personal care, he even didn't want to touch his hair which was in mess. He shook his head both his sides and turned back to his actual purpose of coming the bathroom.

When he finally found the painkillers, he took a few pills and look at them inside his palm. He stopped and thought for a while...

At least, it's not a right time to die, non? I still have to be alive... At least... Even though no one cares if I die, I just have to live for a while... Just for a little while... As long as I can stand this... I know that there won't be a war between us again that easily, but I don't want another Jean to die... If I disappear, I even don't know what happens to my country, my people, my culture, my language... However I can guess... I'm just a country in a human body, what can go wrong anyway? There will be other Frances if I die. I'm only one person between all of those ones. This world won't suffer if I disappear. Even though the fact that I'm a country...

He closed his eyes and swallowed the pills without water. And after closing the cover of the box, he went to the kitchen.

Kitchen was completely clear unlike what he remembered. That was probably Canada's job.

"Even though I left him..." his eyes became blurry with the tears. "...He... Oh, non non non... He probably thought that it would be better to clean the kitchen, since he is so kind... Non... He is TOO kind to behave me bad..." he rubbed his eyes before starting crying. Then he took a deep breath, changed his mind and leaded to the living room.

He layed on a couch and stood like that, he felt like he was in a blank place. He thought nothing, did nothing, and even didn't blink.

After a while... Thoughts came back to his mind like a violent storm. And those thoughts made him chuckle angrily.

Seriously, did I really think that I had someone next to me all this time? Really funny... Of course we are selfish, since we live in a world where also humans live in. Being a country requires selfishness since we countries are also humans. However... There is a thing... Haven't I got feelings? Can't I cry? Can't I want to be loved by someone? Can't I get worried? Being a human is really a hard thing? Is it? Then why do we live if we don't have those things... Wanting these is also selfishness? Then I want to be the most selfish person in the world. Because I cannot feel those anymore. Not like that I lost those emotions, but only because I forget how it feels like to be loved, to love someone, and to get worried... And I don't know how long am I going to live without those... As if I'm in a silent dark room, I cannot feel anyone nearby. I'm afraid of forgetting myself right now... How pity... Ahaha...

He jolted by the voice of ringing doorbell. He sat up and looked around, then he left the living room and leaded to the door to open it.

________________

I felt like I was going to cry when I'm writing his thoughts, omg Q^Q I hope you like it! See you in the next chapter :'>