S.O.S. [Depressed!France X England]

Chapter 1: Tricking

Really... I don't know if it is a nightmare or not. However I want it to be a nightmare, even though I know that it is the reality itself. Tricking myself can't be a bad thing, no? I know the truth, but I don't want to believe it so I trick myself, that's all. This wouldn't be painful, would it? If I just pretend to be okay in this nightmare, then maybe it can turn into a beautiful dream that I don't want to be awake again, it is a too low possibility, but it worth to try, no? Because I don't have anything left except this. I want to hope... Even though I'm tired of it... I want...

"France!" called Germany the Frenchman's name. However, it seemed like France didn't hear him, he was looking down, leaning his chin on his hand. "France!" called he again. Still, there was no response from him.

"FRANCE!" Germany called his name again, with a higher tone. France came to himself suddenly and jumped a bit from his seat with shock. He looked around, all of the other countries were watching him with weird expressions.

"It's your turn."

France swallowed his salvia inside his mouth, cleared his throat, loosened his tie and stood up without having any expression on his face.

"Well... Um..."

Others were waiting for the words that would come out from between his lips. However, his mind was completely in a different place, he just wanted not to be there. He looked at the ceiling, floor, windows and other things except seeing the others' faces.

Was he ashamed or something? Normally it wouldn't freak him out only because of watching by everyone. He should have be relaxed even more than Japan or Canada. Wasn't he the one who loved to argue with England not caring of being in front of everyone? Wasn't he the one who loved to call himself as "big brother"? Wasn't he the one who loved to talk about pervert things? Was it really a right time to wish that he was Canada so that no one could notice him?

~Flashback~

"Papa, what should I do to be recognized?"asked the fragile boy. France patted his hair warmly and hugged him tightly.

"Matthieu... Do you know what makes you Matthieu?"

"Non?"

"Maybe you feel the loneliness more than anyone else... Maybe you feel the anger of mistakening as America... However... Believe me, loneliness is less painful than being with other people. I'm glad that you won't feel that pain as much as I did..."

"Papa..."Canada was crying.

"So please smile, okay? I'm with you. Your family is with you. You have us..."said France with a soft smile on his face. A tear drop fell from his chin then.

~End Of The Flashback~

He felt that his throat was burning, his stomach was spinning. His hands were trembling as well, but he was moving them, like he was scratching his hair or turning his jacket's buttons between his fingers, so that no one could realize the situation, he couldn't show his weaknesses to the others anyway, especially the emotions inside him.

Was he really scared of those eyes on him?

"France?"said Russia in order to hear a word from him.

France gulped again and finally looked at Germany "C-Can I go to the bathroom?" Germany sighed and nodded. France left there as fast as he could, as if he was flying. He almost ran to the bathroom like a lightning.

This isn't normal... It isn't me... I'm not such a person... What if they realized that I'm not in a good mood? I stuttered, they surely realized it, oh no... What would Canada do in that situation? He doesn't speak even a word every meeting, of course I know that, but what if he was in my situation? Speaking properly or trying escaping like me?

What should I do now? Wasn't I the one who wanted to turn this nightmare into a beautiful dream? Tricking myself? What the heck was I thinking anyway? Is it even possible? Do I have enough strenght to control my dreams?

"If you could, you could save Jean D'Arc, no?"

Oui... It was also another nightmare, wasn't it? She must be alive somewhere... Somewhere except my heart... I can feel that she is still alive but I cannot find her... Pourquoi?...

"Elle est morte. (She died.)"

Non!

"Escaping from the reality itself makes you weaker."

Just shut up...

France put his one hand on the mirror in front of him, he was looking at the washbasin as the water drops were falling down from his face. He crossed his eyebrows, bit his bottom lip and punched the wall next to the mirror.

"F-France?" England was standing in front of the door with shock. France slowly turned his face to the Englishman, took a normal position and leaded to the door. However he couldn't leave there since England grabbed his arm.

"Are you okay?"

"Oui, mon ami. Peux-tu me laisser s'il te plaît?" (Yes, my friend. Can you let me please?) his eyes were dull.

"Am I look like an idiot or something? Why were you punching the wall?"

"I don't know, maybe you saw wrong." he pulled his arm back and left the bathroom slowly.