Azrael's Whispers

Mama, Nana and Toddler.

They'd been watching the telly
She and her papa
Mama was out
Buying groceries
And her papa was home with her
He was shouting bad words at the boys in the tv
They were running around so much
It made her head hurt.

She sat in the corner with her dollies
Playing dress-up
And,
Slumber parties.
Her papa had promised to play later
As soon as the game,
Was over.

She didn't mind.
Papa didn't lie.
He loved her
And she loved him
And that was all she needed.

Then the bad men came.
They argued with papa while she hid under the table.
They took his watch
And the tv and some of mama's shoes too.
They even took the money in her piggy bank.
And that made her sad.

Then one of the men pointed a gun at her papa.
She'd them in the movies.
Knew what they did.
Tools of Satan,
Her mama called them.

The bad man kept asking her papa,
"Where is the rest of it?"
Her papa shook his head and said,
"I don't know."

She thought and thought.
What was "it"?
She'd never seen an "it" before
So she couldn't say.

The bad man got angry
And he shot her daddy.
The sound was loud and made her afraid.
She covered her ears and watched her papa fall.
The bad men rushed out
And left them alone.

She crawled from under the table.
Her papa was not moving.
She called to him,
But his eyes were closed.
There was this red juice on his shirt
And it was in his mouth.

She'd seen it before.
It's what came out of the ketchup bottle
But it didn't taste
Or smell
Like ketchup.

She'd also seen it on the telly.
It was what came out
When they killed somebody

She heard a scream behind her
And turned to face her mama.
And then she realised,
Papa was...
No longer papa.

That was ten years ago.
They'd since left Virginia
And we're now in Ohio.
Mama had found someonelse.

He was nice to them.
Bought them things for Christmas
He came to her games at school
And helped her with her homework.

He taught her things
Like how to cook
And to use the washing machine
How to count
And mow the lawn.
How to write well
And to play ball too.

And when Mama was out
If she'd been good
He showed her how to sniff too.
It was white and it made her feel nice.

When she became ten and three years old,
And started "looking like her mama"
He gave her some sticks.
He put fire on their ends and told her
To "puff" them.
He showed her how.
And it made her feel
Cool.

Then he taught her to cuss
And she became tough.
Going out all night
Doing bad things all the time.
She made her mama cry
But mama was never home
She didn't deserve
To talk to her.

When she was fifteen,
He made her "see"
He came to her room at night
And told her to stay still.
He took of her clothes
And gagged her mouth.

"Don't say a thing"
He said.
"It'll be over soon"
He'd never hurt her before,
So she didn't say a word.

He took off his clothes
And lay on top of her.
He spread her legs
She blushed deep red.

"What are you doing?" She mumbled
He shushed her.
"It's okay,"
He said.
"This'll feel great."

It had hurt.
She'd wanted to cry out
But he's stuffed her mouth.
She'd cried
She wanted her mama.
But mama was outta town.

He came again the next day
And the day after
And the day after.
She always felt sore
Always felt bruised.
She felt dirty and disgusting
But she told nobody.

The other night,
He'd threatened her.
If she snitched,
He'd kill her...
And her mama.

She still...
Loved her mama.

So she kept shut
And it got worse.
When she was 17,
She was told the meaning
Of what he did.

She told her mama.
Her mama didn't believe her
But when the baby came,
It was too late.

Toddy had fled the state
And they were alone again
The child was beautiful
And looked like her dad
Her nana loved her
But her mama didn't.

She didn't know why
But she didn't mind.
As long as she had nana,
She was okay.