All the Things She Said

Chapter 18, Sam's pov

I huff, "yeah, well...that was earlier..."

"I don't follow"

"I dunno if you noticed, Lau, but he has one hell of a crush on me..."

"what? How do you..."

"well...he kept trying to help me out, he's following me around, he kept asking me all the stuff I liked, like my favourite bands and stuff, and then on the coach he was really squished up to me and he sort of...tried to hold my hand" my voice quietens. Laura is silent,

"I mean for crying out loud I've just got a girlfriend then a guy starts getting all interested in me..." I say loudly, then I quieten,

"we are...you are my girlfriend, right?"

Laura is still staring at me, "yeah...yeah...I guess we are...I guess I am..."

"I have a girlfriend" I giggle, blushing. I'm lying sideways now on the sofa, I drop my hand over the side. She scoots forward and kisses my nose, making me smile. I touch my lips to hers, opening her mouth with my own, her tongue brushes across mine, making me shudder with pleasure.

All too soon, I hear Leslie's voice outside and, groaning, pull back. The memory of Laura's kiss still on my tongue. I sit up and Laura stands and saunters over to the kitchen area as the door opens,

"Can you get me something to eat?" I ask Laura as Leslie says goodbye to someone outside, but Laura, on the verge of answering me, freezes as she hears the voice of the person Leslie has just bade farewell to,

Zack.

Leslie turns to look at us.

"lau?" I say, "Laura...could..."

"uh, ok, yeah...what?" she asks, her voice a pitch higher than usual. I know the what is actually directed at what did I just ask her, not what food do I want, but I pretend that she did hear me,

"Could you just bring me a sandwich or something" I say. In any other situation, I'd be by her side comforting her, not asking her to bring me things, but I know that, with Leslie watching us scrupulously I have to pretend that nothing is up.

"uh, yeah," Laura says, still not turning to face me. She gets out bread and spreads on butter and ham and cheese absentmindedly. I see her back move slightly as she takes a breath, composing herself, before throwing the knife in the sink, picking up the plate and a glass of water and walking over to me, handing me the sandwich. I'm suddenly not hungry again. Why is it, whenever I have food, I'm always being watched?

Nevertheless I take a bite. Leslie sits down next to Laura and starts texting. Laura sips her water nervously.

Zack and Leslie? Really? Okay, so they're both fucking dickheads, but...I just...I can't see what brought it on.

Worse, though...Zack is Laura's ex...and I have a feeling that the break up wasn't exactly a clean split...I'm still not entirely sure what happened...but...

What if Leslie...not, she couldn't have told him? What would she possibly get out of it?

Unless...he wanted to know why Laura suddenly dump ed him...and she was the only one who would dish the dirt...

Are Leslie And Zack together? Or were they just gossiping.

Does this mean another person knows?

What brought it on? Did Leslie find out about last night?

Once I've finished my food and washed up my plate I practically sprint out of the room and to mine and Laura's bedroom. I hear Laura washing her glass, then sidling to the bathroom. Obviously Leslie is watching her still. Finally she crosses over to the bedroom and, once the door is shut, leans on it, her eyes wide with fear,

"Zack...knows...I bet he knows...i bet she told him" she says, breathless and squeaky, her eyes shiny with tears,

"Oh, no, lau...Laura...we don't know anything yet...Laura..." I crouch down to where she's slid to the floor and take both her hands in mine. I wipe a tear from her cheek. She sniffles a little. I hold her face in my hand, stroking her knee. "it'll be alright, lau...it'll be ok"

She shifts into a position where I can hold her. We stay like that until we hear Leslie go to bed, then I kiss Laura's hair, she turns to look at me, first my lips, then my eyes, and I kiss her lips, tracing them with my tongue. She kisses back.

I start to stand, pulling her up with me. I give her another kiss, then turn away to find some pyjamas to change into. I try to ignore that lost look on her face. The look she has when I separate myself from her. I tell myself there's nothing I can do...

She's still standing there, watching me, when I turn round. I bite back the flutters in my stomach that threaten to pull me into her arms and give in to her,

"aren't you going to get changed?" I say. She looks like she's trying not to cry.

Inwardly, I compose myself, and suppress that feeling in my centre, before I take a step towards her and pull off her top, and unclasp her bra, and before she can seduce me into going any further, I pick up a vest and make her hold up her arms so I can slip it over her head. I unbutton her shorts, and then I hesitate, because I know I shouldn't go further...but I want to...so, so much...

I let her step out of her shorts,

I want to just...brush my finger along the fabric between her legs...but I don't, because I don't want to tease her, I don't want to risk it...

I can feel my control slipping,

I dart back to her suitcase, pull out some knickers and pyjama bottoms for her, thrust them into her hand and run out of the room and into the bathroom, where I sink to the floor and try to control the dizziness in my head, the pulsing in my centre. I slip my hand into my pyjama bottoms and feel between my legs, the brush of even my own fingers sending a shudder down my spine, as I feel the soaked fabric of my knickers. I lean my face against the cool glass of the shower door,

I need it to stop, I need all of this to stop...Leslie, Rohan, even Laura...I just need a break, I can't control it any more...I constantly crave her touch, every time I get close to her i feel dizzy with it...with love, with holding back...

I try to clean myself up a bit, and then I go back to my room. The light is still on, there are still clothes strewn all over the floor and both our beds, but Laura is now asleep, or at least pretending to be. She's as close to the wall as possible, with the cover pulled up really high and her head facing the crack between the wall and bed, so all I can see above her duvet is a mess of tousled hair.

I change my underwear silently, and slide into bed. I reach up to the light switch next to my bed and turn It off. The curtains are only partly closed, though, so a little light makes its way through the crack, slanting across Laura's bed. Her head is in shadow, though.

I look over at her, watching her as I slowly drift off, tears on my cheeks.

Just before I fall asleep, she stirs. I see her eyes looking at me through the darkness, then my eyes close and I fall into a deep sleep.