All the Things She Said

Chapter 50- Laura's POV

I feel Sam slip out of my arms and out of bed, she scrambles for a moment at her desk, then the door slams open and shut...

"Sam...?" I say groggily, still half asleep, is she still ill? What's happening?

I wait a few minutes for her to come back to bed. Watching the second hand of the clock go round in the half darkness. Three...four...five minutes...

"Sam?"

I scrabble with the sheets and fall out of bed, pushing my hair out of my eyes and pulling myself over to the door. I cross the landing, ears pricked for any sound from Sam...the streetlight slants through the window, up the stairs and casting orange lines through the banisters...

"Sam...Sam are you okay?" I whisper, approaching the bathroom door, which isn't quite closed...I expect to hear the sound of throwing up or something...but no, silence...

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" The word withholds a stifled sob. I push the door gingerly open. The room is dark, I can just about make out the shape of her, pressed up against the edge of the bath, a black shadow against the white tiles...

"Are you...feeling ill again?" I say, feeling unusually nervous,

"N...not so much..." She quavers, "Laura..."

"What, what is it?"

She takes a shaky breath, "I...I..."

I take a step towards her but she moves away as I do,

"Sam...you're scaring me now, what's wrong?" I kneel down in front of her and put my arms on her shoulders. She starts shaking,

"Sam?" I fumble, trying to take her hands, but my thumb knocks her wrist and she throws her head back,

"Shit, Sam!" I look down at her arms, only just realising they're dark with blood, "Sam...what happened!"

"I...I couldn't help it I just felt...so...so" she breaks down crying and pushes her head into my shoulder,

"Sh, shh, I'm here, you're okay...it's okay..."

"N...no it's not"

I look her in the eyes, she looks so...lost, hopeless...I rest my forehead against hers.

"Okay, maybe it's not...but let's just get you cleaned up, okay, let's wash these cuts for one thing, and then you can come back to bed and we can just cuddle, or you can explain to me what's going on, okay...whenever you're ready to...does that sound ok?"

She hangs her head, for a second I wonder if she's fallen asleep but then she pushes herself up from the floor, goes to the sink to wash her arms and then takes a length of toilet paper to wrap round the cuts. Something on the floor catches my eye...I pick it up, a little rectangular blade with a hole in the middle...

"Where did you get this?" I hold it up,

"Pencil sharpener" she replies simply, then leaves the room. I wait till she's reached the bedroom before I follow her.

I spoon her in bed, my arms wrapped loosely around her chest. She is very silent, very still, rubbing at her arms. I nuzzle her hair, but try and keep everything I do at a best friend level...that's what I feel like I should be for her right now. After a while she sighs deeply and turns to lie on her back, folding her arms over her stomach. I trace light patterns over her skin. Patiently waiting.

"Lau..."

"Yeah?"

"Dyou think I'm going crazy?"

I raise my head a little and look her in the eyes, "no...I don't see any signs of it, why? Do you?"

She pushes her head back into the pillow, I can feel she's holding a lot in,

"All the time"

I kiss her cheek, "what's making you crazy?"

"Just...feeling...lonely?"

I frown. I'm right here though...

"As in" she raises her head to look at me, "I dunno, maybe it's like some PTSD or something. Like when you left, when we broke up...it really broke me and even if I coped back then, well now...I just...I feel like I'm going crazy, like I'm constantly on the verge of screaming..." She presses her head into my chest, "and...well, tonight...I guess I just had enough...I couldn't hold it in any longer..."

"Well I'm not gonna judge you for it. Don't worry...I'd rather you didn't do it again but I know it can be hard..."

She's silent for a while,

"I'll try. I promise"

I kiss her, "thank you, I love you"

"I love you too" she says, almost silently. A sort of sigh...

I hug her close. Sam.

For a second, the image of her even more ruined and bloody and desperate flashes through my eyes, then I shudder, suppressing a scream. No. No i'll fix you, Sam if it's the last thing I do. I'm not going to let you get any worse. Not if I can help it.

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Hey guys, sorry for abandoning wattpad for a while I've been pretty busy lately with school and various social life things and just personal shit...I tried to write a different version of this chapter but I scrapped it cause I just wasn't feeling it and, well, went back to honest truth. Cause right now Sam is very much like I have been these past few weeks, so even if I'm in a different place now, we're following the same course.

Anyway, I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long and it was worthwhile and everything, thanks for reading

The next chapter will probably be longer I just want to switch povs, but I'm going to sleep now and I have exams to be revising for so I'm not sure when i'll get time to write. X