Closet Thoughts (a short Joshler story) 🏳️‍🌈 ✔️

🏳️‍🌈19👬👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🌈

"I feel bad for you, J", Tyler softly said. "Why?" Josh asked, wondering what he was talking about.

"It has to be terrible to be my best friend 'cause I always feel like shit", he explained. "It's not terrible at all. I'm glad I'm your bestie so I can be here for you", Josh said.

"It's not good for you, though. I'm toxic, I know I am", Tyler said softly. "I'm in love with you, you're in love with me. I let you love me, kiss me, cuddle me. You'll get attached and I'll drag you down with me. I'll pass it on to you even though that's the last thing I'd ever want to do in love. But I'm not happy", Tyler sighed. "I don't get it. I should be happy. My crush loves me. My crush is in love with me and here I am, pitying myself, not knowing how to be happy. I have you, Josh! Shouldn't that make me happy? I don't get it! I'm not happy and it's turning me crazy!" He said, voice raising. "Why am I not happy?! You're all that I've ever wanted! And now I got you and I'm still like this! I'm still the fucking same! I should be happy 'cause I'm with the love of my life but I'm not happy! Why the fuck am I not happy?! Why can't I just be happy when I have everything I've ever wanted?!" He said, getting off the bed as he started pacing around.

"Ty", Josh started as he got up, but before he'd walked around the bed and reached Tyler, Tyler just screamed and punched the wall. It was a brick wall so he didn't go through it, but his skin couldn't say the same. His knuckles were raw and open and bloody because of the force he used to punch the wall.

"Ty!" Josh exclaimed, shocked by what he just saw and Tyler could see how Josh's hands shot up to cover his own mouth in shock.

Tyler now properly looked at Josh, after looking at the blood that was starting to cover his hand already. He could see Josh's watery eyes and his hand that was still clasped over his mouth.

Tyler scared the shit out of him and he had no idea.

"Shit, Josh I'm sorry", Tyler said softly, walking up to his best friend. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to Joshie", he said, wrapping one arm around Josh. He hugged him and then pressed a kiss on Josh's forehead. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry", he whispered softly.

He hated himself even more now, because he'd scared his boy. He was trembling and shaking as he held on to Tyler for what felt like dear life.

"Fuck, baby, I didn't mean to scare you", Tyler sighed softly.

"I-I don't want you to hurt-hurt yourself t-Ty", Josh whispered softly. It broke Tyler's heart.

"I didn't mean to baby, I'm so sorry", Tyler sighed softly again. "Why don't you get back in bed and I'll take care of this real quick and then I'm gonna cuddle you so tightly", Tyler told him. Josh shook his head. "I-I'll help y-you", he stuttered, breath hitching.

"No baby, I can do it. Just get back in bed okay?" Tyler softly said. He kissed Josh's forehead and then he finally gave in, nodding. Tyler just didn't want josh to see his hand anymore, which was why he didn't want him to help.

"T-there's a first aid k-kit down-down the hallway", Josh said, which he remembered from when Jeremy accidentally burned his finger when they'd baked an apple pie. "Okay thank you baby, now c'mon get in there love. I'll join you in a few minutes yeah sweetie?" Tyler said as he pulled the sheets back. Josh softly nodded as he sat down. "C'mon baby lie down", Tyler encouraged him. Josh then lay down on his side with his head on the pillow and his knees pulled up. Tyler put the bedsheets over him and he pressed a long kiss on Josh's forehead.

"Love you so much baby", he softly said. Josh looked up at him with big yet sad eyes. "You h-have no idea how-how much I-I love y-you", Josh replied. "You're right, I don't", Tyler said. "You should show me some time", he softly smiled.

Josh's lips curled upwards just the tiniest bit. "I will", he replied.

Tyler pressed another kiss on Josh's forehead before he got up and left the room. He found the first aid kit pretty quickly and made his way to the bathroom. He locked the door and opened the kit.

He found some betadine gauze and bandages and figured that should be enough for now. So he used the betadine gauze to cover the wounds on his knuckles and then wrapped the bandage around it securely.

Why did he have to punch that brick wall? Josh now saw him lose his temper, hurt himself, scared him, hurt him, and was upset and sad.

He hated himself.

He sighed deeply. He couldn't let depression show its face right now. Tyler had to be there for Josh. Especially now that he'd upset Josh so much and well....

It just hit him.

Tyler was never there for Josh. He'd never cared for him. He'd never looked after him, never hugged him when he was feeling sad or even not stroked his hair back when he has insecure.

He'd never been there for Josh. Josh was only, but always, their  for him.

"Fuck", he muttered to himself as he closed the kit and put it away again after he washed the blood off the sink.

He then went back into the bedroom and closed the door behind him. He walked up to Josh who opened his eyes to look at Tyler.

Tyler pushed him back, so that Josh was on his back. Tyler climbed atop of Josh, straddling his hips, while he grabbed his hands and pinned them down next to Josh's head. Josh was looking at him with eyes from a mixture of sadness, shock, and anxiety.

"Joshua Dun you have no idea how insanely in love I am with you", Tyler started. "And I don't care about anything anymore. Not tonight. I don't care about me, about what I feel. About what I don't feel. About what I felt a few hours ago. Not my depression, not my anxiety, not my lonely feeling, nothing. I care about you 'cause you're my king ruling over the kingdom I live in and I'd do anything, anything to make my king happy and impress him and eventually kiss him", Tyler told him.

"King Dun demands you to kiss him", Josh softly whispered.

"I'd do anything for my King", Tyler softly replied back. He connected their lips.

~~

Yay yay hi I'm back with a new chapter! College started but I knew I had to finish this chapter finally so I could publish it. I love you guys so much! Thank you for all your support.

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