My Journal - A Coming Out Story

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1:37 am

Okay so,..... I just fucking came out...

I was "house-partying" with Leah and snapping Ryan when this rush of anxiety just came over me. Ryan and I were talking about our personal problems like we do often, and I suddenly felt like I had to tell someone. I didn't even feel the need to back out. It was like a sudden need I had to fulfill quickly. So, I ended the the call with Leah, and I told Ryan! He has a gay best friend (girl) so I knew he would be supportive. He instantly comforted me. I talked to him about it quickly, and I even let him read this journal. It was so easy. It was so cathartic. (Ryan is an internet friend)

I understand doing it in person or even with people of proximity will be magnitudes harder. But, in this moment I feel like I can. Even soon maybe.

Also, Mom. If I ever let you read this, I curse a lot in real life, and I won't censor this journal for your sake, because it's for me. That was kind of random, but I've been meaning to bring it up :)

Before I began this journal, I dreamed of writing about my life for the sake of teaching myself and others about how I feel. The truth is something I value greatly. At times  it's ugly or sad. Sometimes it's beautiful. The point is, there is only one truth: about the world, about ourselves. But, the truth is elusive; often, we don't share it with each other. It can be inconvenient to confront the parts that are ugly, and sometimes that's okay. I just want myself and others to know that hiding from the truth for too long is unhealthy.

That was a weird tangent, but tonight is a crazy night, I just came out to someone! What The Fuck.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

this is progress.

(yes, I actually talk to myself like this in my journal, don't judge me ;))