The Shady Adventures of Fabian

Chapter 64

It was a couple of hours as promised before they started hearing the sounds of combat somewhere up ahead. During that time Fabian had already managed to lift the magical healing stone out of Briawny's pouch and shoved it in his own pocket.

Briawny called a halt just inside the treeline. The noise of the battle was almost deafening and the ground shook beneath the feet from the footsteps of the giant dragon. They could catch glimpses of it from time to time although they didn't have a completely unobscured view.

"We need to have a solid gameplan before we proceed," Briawny said. "Your friends have been fighting for many hours. They must be getting physically exhausted by now."

"Good. I say we let them fight it out between them and then we swoop in and kill off whoever's left standing," Fabian said.

"This does not seem very honorable to me," Sir Mikael said.

"With all due respect, Mikey, screw your honor."

"I fear the dragon may be more powerful than any of us can handle," Briawny said. "Especially when combined with the threat of the wizard and his deadly magic spells. I think our best bet is to propose a truce with your buddies and then we can deal with them after the bad guys have been defeated."

"Those guys are the bad guys," Fabian said. "There's no way in hell I'm working with Arrick. Unless I can use it as a trick to push him into one of the dragon's mouths. It's got ten heads, right? It would be fun to see two of them grab either side of that asshole and rip him in half. Okay, I'm in."

"Uh, I don't want to be a naysayer, but didn't that Arrick guy vow never to work with you either?" Brandon asked. "I'm pretty sure he swore to kill you."

"Yeah, he tried, but he couldn't. That's because he sucks utterly and completely. The only flaw I see with my plan is he looks like he tastes like orc shit so maybe the dragon won't go for him. I suppose I could hold him still while it breathes fire at him and burns him to a crisp. That could be satisfying."

"How are you going to hold him still without getting burned yourself?" Brandon asked.

"You raise a good point. Fine, Scrote. You can hold him still. Just be sure to let him know that his well deserved excruciating death is happening because of me."

"Enough of this nonsense!" Briawny shouted. "We will rush in and provide them with reinforcements. Any reasonable people would be happy to have help from fresh fighters in a situation like this."

"Did they seem like reasonable people to you?" Fabian asked. "Let's at least wait like an hour or so. Let them get a little more tired. In the meantime we could have ourselves a bit of a nap and get more refreshed."

"And what if their fatigue makes the difference between all of us living or dying?" Briawny asked.

"Sorry, old chap," Sir Mikael said. "I'm with Briawny on this one."

"Oh yeah? Well Scrote's with me. And since my vote obviously counts for two votes since I'm the most important member of this party, I'm afraid to inform you that you've been outvoted three to two."

"Actually, sir, I'm voting with Briawny and Sir Mikael," Brandon said.

"You traitorous little twat," Fabian said. "Just for that, I'm not taking you to a brothel. You can stay a virgin for the rest of your life, which is probably going to be short because Arrick and his band of untrustworthy assholes is going to stab you in the back if the dragon doesn't eat you first. And even if you somehow avoid that, the wizard is going to definitely cast some sort of spell to shrink your testicles. Can you afford to have your testicles shrunken anymore, Scrote? I hear they're pretty tiny already."

"Sit around here, if you want to, thief," Briawny said. "But I promise you that you will not share in the reward if you do not help us complete our quest."

"Well that's just a bunch of nonsense talk," Fabian said. "Besides, I'm already owed like ninety percent of whatever treasure these clowns get. So technically I get paid whether I sit here or not."

"As of this moment all prior arrangements are off," Briawny said. "We split all rewards equally. Anyone who objects gets nothing at all. Should we put it to a vote?"

"Oh sure, another one of your rigged votes," Fabian said. "All right fine, whatever. I'll get my fair share of the loot one way or another. But I suppose I'd better keep an eye on things so Arrick and his lot don't get the drop on you guys again. I swear, I don't know what you all would do if it wasn't for me to bail you out of the messes you get yourselves into due to your own stupidity. I suppose we'd better go see what's going on with this battle."