Thicker Than Paper

Pride

sometimes it's scary, sometimes it's exciting. I think all the opportunities-all the things that could happen-make it that much more nerve-wracking. But I have to, I know I do. I know I would wait for someone else to do it first, which ironically should make me do it first. But that doesn't mean I'm not scared shitless. I think everyone knows that. My hands twitch to fold anything into a crane.

~~~

I rub my face, tired. At one this morning Sarah called me crying. I sat up in my bed so fast at her words, my mind didn't really hear her, I don't think.

"What?"

She sniffs, before letting out a strangled sob, "Pheonix! Oh my god, what do I do? Aiden and I have firmly agreed not to have kids till both of us have our doctorate! I never wanted to get pregnant before 25!"

I suck in a breath between my teeth, not knowing what to say. What do you say to your sister at one in the morning when she calls you and tells you she's pregnant when she doesn't want to be?

"Um, I...Uh, wheres Aiden? Does he know?"

I cringe when her voice is more groggily from crying, "He's out of town with his brother. They're at some concert Lucius wanted to go to."

"Did you call him?"

"Oh my god! No! Pheonix, are you even listening?"

I rub my face, and push my hair back, "Look, Sar, I love you, I truly do. But I can't even begin to understand how this is affecting you, and I'm so sorry. But, I think you need to take some aspirin and try to go to sleep. And if you really need someone go to mom. She'll do anything for you, especially because of this..uh...situation," She mumbles an agreement and my shoulders sag in relief, "Ok?"

"Okay."

"When's Aiden getting back?"

"I don't know, tomorrow afternoon?"

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to think, "Okay, well as your brother I want you to tell him when you want. As a guy, I think maybe I'd rather hear it sooner rather than later. And hopefully not over the phone, okay? Maybe go to moms for the day and go home when Aiden's home so you're not alone all day."

She sniffs again and I feel sick with guilt and pity, "Ok. Thank you Phoenix, I'm sorry for calling you so early-"

"No, no, I'm pretty sure if I was in the same situation I'd call you."

"Thank you anyway. Good luck at your game tomorrow."

My eyes widen and I bite my lip to not curse, "Thanks, I love you."

"I love you." And then I didn't sleep more than two hours after that.

She texted me at seven this morning and told me she was going over to our parent's house, which was a relief but still not enough to let me catch much more sleep. I'd never really expected to find out I could possibly be an uncle-if they decide to keep the baby.

 Sarah had always been adamant about not having any kids until the circumstances in the world were better. When Trump was elected she scoffed and said she'd wouldn't be able to have a kid for 'at least another ten years'. Aiden never really objected, easily agreeing to finish school and have good jobs before extending their family. 

I had almost laughed when I thought about what mom would say when she found out. Part of her would be excited, I'm sure. Her first grandchild? Who wouldn't be excited? But, then again everyone knew how Sarah was, so I bet mom's concerned beyond belief about how this is effected Sarah. And I'd bet she'd be a little pissed Sarah called her little brother before her mom.

"Phoenix?" I lick my lips and turn towards Ethan, his face gently sprinkled with confusion and concern.

"Huh? Sorry, I didn't sleep to well last night," The locker room bustles around us, everyone getting ready for the game. I probably shouldn't have said it out loud, now no one will think I should pitch this game.

Maybe I shouldn't pitch.

"Yeah, I heard you talking at like one in the morning. Is something wrong with your family?" Of course Ethan would be concerned about my family. This guy is a sickly kind.

"Oh, yeah. Uh, nothing's, uh, wrong. Just, Sarah freaking out about something. She's okay, she'll be fine." Ethan just nodded his head and I inwardly thanked him for not pushing me further. 

"Phoenix! Bro, you'll never believe what i just found. I have a present for you!" We both cringe at Gavin, knowing full well his presents aren't always the best type of presents.

Nothing in the locker room stops, Gavin jogs across the room with a big, scary smile on his face and papers in his hand. Ethan shakes his head, a tiny smile on his lips as he turns back to his cubby and leaves me to deal with Gavin alone.

Gavin bounces giddily and i reluctantly start buttoning up my jersey, "What is it?"

"Ok, well, there's kind of a story behind it," I stop buttoning for a moment, my nerves wrapping around my brain more, "So, I was shopping with my mom last week at party city, you know, for Katie's party? Anway, it was like a day or two before June began and they had this whole aisle dedicated to Pride month, and it hit me! You! You need pride month shit! 

I don't remember there being a 'no temporary tattoos visible' int he rulebook so I picked a few bad boys out for you," His smile catches on slightly on my face as he hands me two sheets of temporary tattoos. 

One is a bisexual flag, and the other is a rainbow flag in a heart, "Uh, thanks? I mean, thank you, Gavin. This is a very strange gift, but, uh, one of your best."

Gavin plops his hands on my shoulder and shakes me, "I know! I forgot I had them till today! Good thing it's still pride month. And, you're pitching. This is like a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am perfect timing."

I don't tell him that makes no sense, "Uh, Gavin, I appreciate this. I really do. But, I don't think I can wear them. Certainly not at a game, where would I even put them for people to see?"

"Your cheeks dumbass," He pulls my arm towards Coaches office, I stumble over stuff on the floor, "Come on, we'll ask Coach if it's in the rulebook."

"Hey Coach," He looks up at Gavin's voice, "Is there anything in the rulebook that is against wearing temporary tattoos?"

"What in God's name are you asking?" Coach crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at us. I lick my lips and switch the weight on my feet.

"Well, you see sir, this month is pride month. And because we have a fellow teammate from the LGBTQ community," He gestures to me and I blush, embarrassed weirdly enough, "I got him so lovely pride tattoos to wear as he pitches tonight. So, are there any rules against it?"

Coach sighs and I almost laugh in relation, "Why are you the hardest one to satisfy, Owens? Weather here looks completely content. Without his tattoos. Do you even want to wear them?"

I swallow and lick my lips, Gavin shoots me a very daring look, "well, Coach, I uh, I wouldn't be against it?" Gavin cheers at my side.

Coach sighs again and pulls out our thick rule book. It took him a few minutes, flipping between pages in our dress code and other places he might find something on temporary tattoos. All the while, Gavin bounces with giddiness and I can't help but smile with him.

"Well," Coach rubs his forehead, "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but," Gavin crosses his fingers and I try not to giggle at his excitement and hope, "I can't find anything in here about temporary tattoos."

"Which means?"

"Phoenix can wear them, I suppose," Gavin jumps up and hugs me before rushing off to get dressed or pull out more tattoos, I'm not sure.

I turn back to Coach and he sits back in his chair, "Well, go on boy. Go put those suckers on. You're braver than anyone else on this team to be who you are."

I smile and head to the sinks to represent what I've been told is wrong by so many.